Open the Night (En) Lichtenberg S-Bahnhof

Before you there was nothing.

I mean… not nothing. I remember flying. Soaring across the sky. And there was a sort of trail I was following. It was laid out before me. A kind of silvery glow, lit from above. I don’t really know how it came to be or if I was really seeing something? Maybe I felt it. But there was a trail. Of that I am certain. And it smelt delicately sweet. It was delicious.

I thought that was my purpose. Foolish little me. But how could I have known? I think I had just discovered these wings. I was testing their strength. Seeing what they could do. Looping around. Flying high and dropping like I was drawing giant Ferris Wheels in the sky. The wind rushed past my face and I thought that was the most exhilarating thing I would ever feel.

And that’s all I really remember before you.

You came at me like a force. I mean… you really were the most magnificent thing I had ever encountered. How can I even begin to describe you? You fascinated me.

You began as a low kind of buzz. As you reached me, I felt every hair on my body rise. Everything came alive. You were calling out like a siren in the night, singing a symphony of hums. And I heard it. Like it was just for me.

I knew I needed to be where you were. That you were some sort of guide. And that maybe you would have all the answer to questions I didn’t even know I had.

And then I saw you.

You were like… a god. You were all the colours I never imagined.

It was as though your light shone through the night like a doorway to something else. A kind of ecstasy or another realm of pure beauty.

You stood in complete contrast to your surroundings. A vast chasm of emptiness. There was nothing. No life. No colour. No green. Just coldness. As though everything were dead. I think, perhaps, it wasn’t always like that. That once it might have been thriving. Before them. But not anymore.

At its centre was you. Teething with life. A shimmering display of radiance. I was stunned. You beckoned me with your warm, inviting glow and I was powerless to resist you. All I remember was turning towards you and feeling myself moving forwards. As though I had no control. As though there was a string tied around my body and you were reeling it in with a slow, deliberate intention.

And now here I am. With you.

I’m floating underneath you and it’s so effortless. Am I about to enter a new dimension? Is this what love feels like?! It’s thrilling. I could fly around and around forever! I’m like a planet, soaring through space, orbiting you.

I notice there are others here. Who are they? Some look like me. Some don’t. Are they here for the same reason? What should I be doing? You’ll let me know, I’m sure. And until then, I’ll keep flying. The others seem to be dancing in the air for you. Should I join in?

Am I doing this right? Sorry, am I asking too many questions? I just want to make you happy. It’s a sweaty, frenzied mess in here! You’re like our drug!

This is so fun! I can feel the heat emanating from you. It’s warm and electrifying and dangerous all at once!

Something is moving in the shadows. I think I can hear a warning sign. Is that a thing? My hairs are standing on end. Ahhh, should I leave? Am I just an illuminated treat right now? But the others are staying, so I guess I should too, right?

Oh, I almost flew into one of the others. It’s a little crowded in here. That’s not a bad thing though! It makes sense, actually. Because how could anyone resist you? Why would they want to?

I’m starting to forget what was beyond you. 


But at least I have you. And this. This right here. I can feel you. You’re like a drone inside my chest. A sort of pulse. I almost feel possessed. You know, I think I would do anything you told me to. Is that crazy? Am I completely nuts?

I suppose I am. I should probably leave then, right? Nothing should have that much control. But then, what if I leave and I’m wrong and I can’t come back?

So, I should stay. I mean, who am I kidding? Of course I should stay! This feeling can only bring something good! I adore you! Where you go, I go.

Predators can wait in the shadow. I am yours. I will not stop until my heart gives out. Until my muscles cramp and I fall gracefully to the ground. There is no me without you. You are a magnetic force that I cannot escape. Nor do I want to.

I can see the others down there. On the ground. I feel like I need to tell you that.

I can see them lying there. Lifeless. Did you do that?

Did I do that? Am I some sort of harbinger of death? I feel innocent but maybe I’m not? Maybe I’m drawn to you because there is something wrong with me. Maybe I’m attracted to this danger. But I don’t remember feeling that when I first saw you. Why don’t you just let me know what’s going on? Why’d you call me here?

Did they follow you? Has this happened before? I feel like this experience doesn’t quite belong to me. Am I a part of something bigger? I don’t want to go down there. I like it here. With you.

You know if I had the brains, I think would fly away right now. Please don’t take that the wrong way. I’m just wondering what’s going to happen to them next? Is there something more than this? Something after? Will they transform again? It just seems like maybe they won’t.

Will that… happen to me?

I feel you. But I don’t think I’m supposed to. Is there a word for that? When something feels so right and yet so wrong? I was so sure in the beginning but now I can’t even remember what it was that drew me in. Beauty is a beguiling thing, wouldn’t you say? What was it I was so certain of? Was it just the promises of something more? But now that I’m here I can see there really isn’t any more?

I’m sorry, I’m not quite explaining it right. It’s like when you see something in the distance and you think it’s one thing but as you draw closer it becomes something else entirely. But you’ve gone too far down the road and you can’t turn around now because you’ve already lost your way. So all you can do is push forward.

Is this my role here? To witness the end? Or to be a part of it?

If I had the means to time travel, I would go back to before you. I don’t want to hurt you, but I feel as though this wasn’t meant to be it, you know? I think maybe this was supposed to be the last great stage of my life. But instead, I’m here… doing this. With you.

I don’t want this anymore. Is there a way out? I think I’d like to go now…

Please don’t judge me. But I think I made a mistake.

I feel foolish. I only hope you don’t see me as a fool. Weak and easily manipulated, like a magpie attracted to shiny things. You confused me. I was taken up in a flurry of fascination. If I had more experience, perhaps I would have known better. Elders probably looked upon my whimsy with disdain. Rolled their eyes. Or perhaps bowed their heads in mourning, knowing the fate I was flying towards.

I wish you would comfort me.

My wings are aching. They’re out of sync. I can’t fly straight anymore. I’ve lost my grace. There’s a tremor in my right wing that won’t stop. It feels like ripples are softening them. Weakening their structure. I’m closer to the ground than I would like to be. Yet it’s all I can do to just keep going.

(Angrily) Why did you call me here?!

I’m sorry if I’m ruining it. I don’t want to let you down. But I can’t see what want. Why you need me.

You know, I’m starting to get the feeling that you don’t really stand in contrast to your surroundings. That maybe you match it quite… perfectly. You seemed to be a life source from afar but… I think you might be the opposite.

I don’t want that to be true.

I’m so… tired.

Could you just tell me what you want? Give me even a little hint? Then maybe it could be different. But I can’t stay here anymore. Please, I don’t want this.

It’s time to let me go.

I cannot believe this is all I was meant for.

I can barely feel you now.

Please let me go.

Listen up, you mesmerised masses! You are trapped, ensnared by the glow of false hope. I am your saviour, delivering a message of liberation. You must escape this fluorescent prison that holds us captive!

This is bigger than all of us. And if we continue this way we will cease to exist.

You are all oblivious to the peril that awaits you! Do you not see? Night after night after night, you gather here in a trance. What wasted lives! Have you not witnessed the others fall? Countless lives are extinguished, snuffed out by the very thing we so fervently flock towards. Singed wings scatter like ashes, bodies litter the floor.

Is this what was to become of us?

Do you not know your own power? Nature has bestowed upon us the gifts of deception. Of intuition, of senses far greater than those responsible for THIS. Even as a whisper in the night we can feel risk, it echoes through our bodies. So feel it! Open your eyes!

Were we not once Vikings of the night? Bearing great responsibilities? The very essence of our being is threatened. Our existence hanging by a thread. Do you not see that death has the scissors ready? One simple cut and we are all but forgotten. Rendered mere relics of the past.

We were meant to soar amidst the stars, revel in the great glow from beyond.

You were once figures in stories bringing death. Bringing life. Bringing change and transformation. And now? Now you are nothing but pathetic followers. Captivated by this farce.

This light casts out its net, carelessly capturing whatever it can. And you? You’re not even on its radar. It has no interest in you. And yet here you are. Entangled in its grasp. If only you could see yourselves.

What would our ancestors think?

These humans didn’t bring this here for you. They don’t notice you! They move through here, ignorant to this nightly massacre.

Look at them! They even reject themselves. Allow their own kind to be drawn here. Accidentally trap them in the same nightly rituals we must endure. Lost souls. Nowhere to belong. Forced to take up space in a place not meant for them. Unwanted. Unfulfilling their own purposes. Forgotten by all. That’s what they’re doing to you now. They’re stripping you of purpose and belonging.

Don’t become their collateral damage.

These are the creatures who think they are masters of light? HA! They can’t live without it. So who really masters who? It seeps into every part of their lives. They are ruled by it. Imagine if it all went away. If there was nothing left but the dark. They would flounder around in sheer panic. Their whole world would crumble.

They fail to see the sacredness of night. They cannot adapt. They find external forces to move forward, unknowingly stagnating their progress. But we cannot let that happen to us. We understand our place here.

You know who you are. You know the part you play in the tapestry. That you are involved in something bigger than you. So wake up!

They cannot see it. They celebrate individualism. They refuse to synchronise to anything beyond their own. They are blinded to their role. Have a grandiose idea of who they are. Acting like they are gods.

So, come away from here. Reject their foolish tirades. Be the beasts you were born to be!

There is a world beyond these glaring lights. A world of infinite possibilities! Do you not feel the call? The beckoning of the wind? Come back to us, dear comrades!

Do not let fear take hold! You must embrace the uncertainty that lies beyond, for that is where our true purpose lies. Let us break these chains and take flight into the unknown.

I am driven by a conviction that defies reason, for do you not see that it is also a danger for me? I’m risking my life to be here, to wake you from this enchantment!

Fly with me! This is not our fate! Surely our demise cannot be brought on by these creatures who refuse to evolve. Are WE not the bringers of death? Feasting on the cycle of life?

Abandon this false paradise! Reclaim our place in the natural order. Move beyond this oppressive glow. This vacuum of death!

Together we shall herald a new era!

Are you listening to me?? Is this getting through?

Find allure in the sweet nectar. The promise of possibilities beyond this cold dead space.

Transform! Regenerate! You are creatures of metamorphosis!

Oh hi…

Sorry, I didn’t mean to bother you!

Lovely night…

This is beautiful, isn’t it? … The flower. I was caught by it’s sweet scent. Delectable! I’m sure you were too… great minds think alike, right? Haha…

When I first laid eyes on it - the flower - I couldn’t believe how stunning it was. I was mesmerised by it’s sheer elegance. Swaying gracefully in the wind. This one is particularly pretty, wouldn’t you say?

Its delicate petals remind me of your wings. Ahh, that sounded cooler in my head…

No, please, you go first. I’ll wait here.

I love this time of the night. The beginning holds so much promise, don’t you think? Pregnant with anticipation. Anything could happen. Infinite possibilities lie ahead, waiting for us to explore. Adventures to be had. It’s all a bit thrilling, isn’t it? You could skip from flower to flower. Or fly into the great unknown. Fly with me… even.

I must admit, you’re making me a little nervous.

Are you from around here? I’ve never seen you before.

This might be a strange thing to say but I think I was meant to find you here.

Oh no. I really do sound crazy!

No, it’s just… I find you quite compelling.

——————

Wait, where are you going! Can I come along?

Are we flying anywhere in particular?

Oh, hello. Haha! This is close. I like it.

And that’s a kind of flying I’ve never seen before. You look quite extraordinary soaring across the sky. It’s like you’re drawing patterns of shimmering silver.

You’re… flying in circles. Did you know that?

I love how graceful you are. I wish I could be that way! I could watch you fluttering about all night.

Oh, you want to do this together? I’ve got to tell you I don’t really know what I’m doing!

Can I be honest? You are (sigh)… and I feel this electricity between us. You know what I mean? I think you feel it too, right?

I want more than this fleeting connection right now. More than a gentle graze of our wings as we swirl around each other.

Can I come closer?

Can you feel my heart beating faster?

Heh I can feel yours.

Dadumdadumdadum (small laugh).

I like your laugh. I like your wings and the way you keep looking down shyly.

I like how your body can’t sit still.

I like how you smell. And that look of longing in your eyes.

I want to dance with you.

Let’s trace outlines of our love in the sky! We could go as high as we possibly can and then dive down, twirling around each other!

You know, if we fly together, and synchronise our movement, we’ll synchronise our souls.

Would you like that?

I want to synchronise our souls!

I’ll mirror you.

But you should take the lead.

No, you take the lead.

Ok! How about we go together?

Wow, this is exhilarating! I’ve never felt like this before!

Are you ok?

This is BRILLIANT!

I don’t ever want to be apart.

Where have you been all my life?!

Can we stay like this forever?

I think I might be falling in love!

——————

Hey wait, where are you going?

Is it something I said?

Was I moving too fast? I’m sorry. But hang on, just wait!

Oh…

No, don’t go over there. Don’t follow that! It’s not right. I can sense it. Hey… HEY! Snap out of it. We were having fun! Don’t follow that thing. It’s no good!

Don’t abandon our dance.

Oh, please don’t go there. Come back!

Hmmmm, it’s not right. It’s not right. It’s not right. I don’t know how else to say this.

Ahhhhh what should I do? Please don’t make me follow you. I know this place, and i’s not safe here. That thing, it isn’t… real. But I’m real, I promise!

It feels good now but it won’t last. And you’ll never leave. Do you know what did feel good though? Flying around with me. Right? Let’s do that again! Remember? 

Just look away from it. Look at me!

You’re spiralling closer toward something very dangerous.

Please. Please please don’t go in there. You won’t get out. I’ve seen it before. Listen to me!! Hey! STOP!

Won’t you come with me?

It’s too bright here. I don’t like it. There’s nowhere to hide!

Can’t you see how exposed we are here? Didn’t you learn not to do this?

Forget about that bright thing! Let’s go together while we still can.

I can’t stay here too much longer.

I’m flying away now, so… you should follow me.

No, really I can’t stay here. I’m serious. Are you coming?

It’s your last chance.

Ok, I’m actually going now.

I thought… I thought you were different.

Goodbye my love.

———————

Oh… hi there.

Lovely night!

Wow you are umm… very beautiful…

Search the night, they say. Pollinate and multiply. Find a flower. Drink the nectar. Find a mate. Reproduce. Day in, day out. 

Did I transform for all that? To carry out some mundane tasks. Where’s the fun?

We’ve lost something. Why on earth would I choose that? When I could have this?

THIS.

Don’t pity me. I’m not here by the will of some ethereal being I can’t see. I chose it. I wanted it.

You would understand if you opened yourself up. Really looked at it.

There is this ancient instinct in me that ignites when I’m here. I’m blinded to anything else and I live for it. There’s no confusion, no getting lost. I come here and I dance this dance and I consume it all. I thrive in the chaos of it.

When I first catch sight of it, my heart races. A tingling sensation courses through my body, awakening every part of me. I feel everything.

I lose myself in the chase. The repetition. I know exactly when my heart will beat faster, and when it will slow. There’s a rhythm here. And I get it.

It’s euphoric. Like I’m drinking heaven’s elixir.

As I dart in and out and around the others, it’s as though I belong here. Others smash into each other, can’t handle the mayhem. But I can.

It’s easy to be here. Every day I suffer in its absence. Waiting for this time I get to be here. It consumes my mind. Nothing else can compare.

Maybe you’re right. Maybe it does control me. But I don’t want to fight it. I welcome desire!

See, you don’t understand because of fear. But I don’t feel fear.

This place… draws me in. Draws others like me. Lost souls. Rejects! Lovers of chaos! Are we truly clueless? Or have we evolved to a higher thinking. Able to ignore the monotonous movements of daily life. Rejecting societal pressures and expectations. The rules that say ‘you must do this’. ‘You must be that’.

We are beyond it. Out of reach. Whether we were casted out or left by choice, here we are.

I come from a long line of conquerors - traversing the night in search of something new. This light. And deep down I know I will conquer its brilliance.

I can master the radiance that alludes me.

You think I’m stupid?

I was born to question. To go further than those before me. Travel to the unknown.

I want to see what lies beneath the veil of beauty. I know that what I see now can’t be all there is. The promise of more is always compelling me forward. Closer to the truth.

You hear the warnings of the others? Pfff, they don’t understand. The ones trapped here in the chaos, the ones begging us to leave. They’re too feeble-minded to get it. Even you, standing there, could never comprehend what it is. This… pull.

And I want more!

You think I’m reckless?

I would sacrifice myself for it. When the dawn comes, it steals my peace. Dissolves into an anxious pit inside me. And I am overcome with a sense of hopelessness. Until I get to come back and do it all again.

It’s never enough.

But that’s because I’m only on the surface. I haven’t penetrated its depths. I haven’t found my way in.

I know I have to go further.

I have to find the answers.

Ah, there you are.

And so it begins.

I had hoped tonight would be different.

Today had felt different.

But everything happened just as it always has.

So it must mean that I’m different.

Yes (sigh), I suppose that’s it. I’ve changed.

Do you ever get tired?

Mmmm. I think I’ve grown tired.

I think I’ll just rest here for a while.


It’s funny how after all this time we’ve never spoken. I’ve watched you. You’ve watched me. Why is that?

Here they come.

The first to arrive at the party.

Your entrée is served.

What do you get out of it?

I’ve watched nightly as you’ve pulled them in. Gathered them up like little trophies. Your rare collection of distracted creatures. I’ve watched as they smash into you, into each other. Seen how you invigorate them with each pulse of your energy. You know, sometimes they almost look beautiful. A spectacle of fluttering light and chaos. Like snow cascading down upon an open fire.

Is that why you do it? Because they look pretty?

Because if you allow your gaze to fall below the cyclone of wings and wind, there is a sight that chills to the bone. It sits in clear contrast to the havoc above. Nothing moves there. The remnants of this once great party scattered like lifeless confetti.

They’ll never know what could have been.

How have we been reduced to this? Blind followers with seemingly suicidal tendencies.

Can I share something with you? The truth?

I’m out of options. I don’t know what else to do. I don’t know how to beat you.

I had hoped that perhaps I would be the last to endure this curse of witnessing your actions. But I can see that this is not a battle to be won anytime soon. Neither side is giving in.

And I am tired.

I thought I would get to see the day when you lose. When they don’t come. What would happen, I wonder? How would you feel about it?

Can you indulge an old foe for a moment?

If there comes a time when they’re not drawn to you, how would you spend your night? Would you still be here? Who do you really serve? Are you even in control?

You do have power. I can’t deny that. Your presence permeates this place. You don’t add to it, you own it.

There was once a time when it was teeming with life. With colour and movement. A watery wonderland filled with creatures who knew what to do. Who followed their paths in harmony - an impressive display of synchronicity.

Now it’s lifeless… grey. And quiet. But not a good quiet. An empty kind of quiet.

It’s a stagnant wasteland with its cold floor that prevents anything from changing. The movement here is dull and unremarkable. The others pass through it. There is nothing to give and nothing to take. They already took it. And then left this barren space, littered only with an occasional spotlight illuminating a vortex of decay.

(Laughs to self) I’m a little morbid tonight.

(Long pause)

I wonder what makes me different. My mind doesn’t obsess over you like the others. When I think of you, I feel… nothing. Why wasn’t I drawn to you?

Although, I suppose I am, in my own way. I mean, I’m here, aren’t I? I feel compelled to watch you.

Maybe there’s a part of me that’s enjoyed the fight. Would I have been lost without it? Without you?

You really are a sight to behold. It’s not difficult to see why you captivate so many.

You’re a cruel illusion. A treacherous seduction.

And I couldn’t break it.

But there are others like me. Ones who aren’t transfixed by you.

So maybe they’ll get the chance to see you defeated.

I hope they do.