Someone Named Paula And Her Father, Al, Acknowledge the Poor State of Their Relationship

SOMEONE NAMED PAULA & HER FATHER, AL, ACKNOWLEDGE THE POOR STATE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP
(Q&A to follow)

AL and PAULA at a table w/ papers.

PAULA
I am Paula when I say: "Wait, but…"

AL
And I am Paula's dad when I say: "And–"

PAULA
Interrupting,
I,
who am Paula,
say: "They liked the joke, Dad.
What else do you want me to say?"

AL
Refusing to consider the question posed by my daughter,
Paula,
I am Paula's dad when I resume:
"And I,"
who am Paula's dad,
to be clear,
"I deserve the credit I deserve."
"And," Paula's dad continues,
more anger,
more veiny:
"And!"

PAULA
"Do you want me to call them?" Paula says,
not meaning to interrupt;
Paula is prone to the occasional interruption.

AL
"Call them?!" Paula's dad yells–
as Paula's dad is prone to the more-than-occasional yelling.
That is,
there are certain people that are prone to yelling more so than others.
Of these people,
Paula's dad is,
surely,
one.

PAULA
Paula says: "I can call them," gently and with sincerity.
…
As it is,
at this moment,
Paula is sincerely offering to call her employers so
her father can tell them a joke they have already heard.
It is her sincere belief that they would still enjoy to hear it again.
A belief she believes sincerely,
as Paula is of average proneness to sincerity.

AL
While Paula's dad is of below average sincerity.

PAULA
However, Paula is more prone to gentleness than others.

AL
While Paula's dad is of significantly-below-average gentleness.

PAULA
Regardless,
it is with both gentleness and sincerity that Paula,
now,
unwittingly says the wrong words
which were meant to express that:
the laughter is Not All Done,
but,
rather:
that there is More Laughter to Laugh,
in which Paula's dad is more than welcome to partake.
Those wrong words are:
"They really went wild for it." :/

AL
… >:|
Disregarding the sincere gentleness of his daughter,
Paula,
I,
who am Paula's father,
hear this as only:
(Our joy is at the expense of your own, dad.)
Adds: (You ignominious cur.)

PAULA
A thing Paula knows about her dad: (He only hears what he wants to hear.)

AL
It is not a secret that Paula knows this.
I am both Paula's dad and not Paula's dad when
I know that Paula knows this.
It is,
as we can see,
not a secret,
but,
in fact,
generally known.

PAULA
Likewise,
Paula is frustrated with her dad when he knows things,
but does nothing with his knowledge.
(He's smart), she thinks.
(So why does he go on letting himself be so unlikeable?)

AL
Paula's dad does not believe this has to do w/ knowledge,
but possibly genetics.
If ever asked what this means
he would not have an answer.

PAULA
While unsure if there is ever an appropriate time to broach this topic,
Paula regards this moment as certainly not The Time and,
instead,
remembers to worry about the gift card.

AL
Yes,
Paula's dad knows about the gift card.

PAULA
While,
no,
Paula does not know Paula's dad knows about the gift card,
which is,
at this moment,
in her pocket.

AL
Paula's dad,
as may already be inferred,
feeling entitled to the fruits of one's labor,
etc.,
wants the gift card.

PAULA
Paula worries while pretending not to worry,
which,
as we may know,
looks like worrying.

AL
Paula's dad watches the news.

PAULA
Paula did not expect the news to be there.

AL
Paula's dad watches Paula worry.

PAULA
Paula worries, visibly–

PAULA & AL
–while her father watches–

PAULA
–about the gift card,
which is,
again,
in her pocket.

AL
Paula's dad broke a lamp when he heard about the gift card.

PAULA
Paula has seen the lamp,
but,
not knowing her father knows about the gift card in her pocket,
feels its having-been-broken was unrelated to the gift card in her pocket.
Certainly not an accident,
but certainly unrelated to the gift card,
which currently resides in Paula's front pocket;
to be clear,
the one on the right.
Paula suspects he knows about the gift card.

PAULA & AL
Paula goes to speak,
but is interrupted by Paula's dad–

AL
–who I certainly am when I say: "I know about the gift card."

PAULA
Paula puts her hand on her pocket

AL
Paula's dad sees this.

PAULA
Paula looks at her father,
regrets everything.

AL
Awash in boyish rage,
Paula's dad says: "That was my joke,"
while imagining snakes flowing from his eyes.

PAULA
Paula imagines this too.

PAULA & AL
They imagine snakes flowing from the eyes of Paula's father.

PAULA
I am like Paula when I think:
(I don't like Paula's dad.)
Similarly, I am like Paula when I think:
(For that matter, I don't like Paula all that much either.)
However, I am distinct from Paula when I say:
"I am at peace knowing that,
soon,
I will no longer be Paula."

AL
(?)

PAULA
Conversely,
we are,
it would seem,
having both said this,
alike.

AL
"What?"

PAULA
(Oh no,)
Paula thinks.
"Did I say something?"
Paula says.

AL
"I am at peace knowing that,
soon,
I will no longer be Paula."

PAULA
"I don't know why I said that."

AL
…
"Why did you say that?"

PAULA
"I don't know–"

AL
This is not the first time Paula's dad has heard her say this.

PAULA
Paula is unaware her father heard her all those other times.

AL
Paula's dad: "Paula?"

PAULA
Paula worries her father heard her all those other times.

AL
Paula's dad: "Sweetie?"

PAULA
Paula thinks: (I am so dumb.)

AL
Paula's dad: "…who else would you be?"

PAULA
Paula knows: (It's a small house.)

AL
Paula's dad recalls a specific instance
involving Paula looking at a mirror.
This instance was not the first time he had heard her say this.
But was the first time
he could not convince himself that he
did not hear her say this,
but,
in fact,
heard something else.

PAULA
Paula has convinced me to un-dislike Paula while Paula,
herself,
is unconvinced.

AL
Paula's dad is unlike Paula while she dislikes herself.

PAULA
Paula,
on the other hand,
believes the opposite.
And,
furthermore,
believes a shared dislike for her,
Paula,
is one of their only commonalities.

AL
Thinking, Paula's dad: (Does she think I hate her?)
Asks: (Why am I the person I am?)
Answers: (These cursed genetics.)

PAULA
While feeling this way,
she looks at the lamp,
of which her father has made no attempt at disposing.

AL
Paula's dad looks at Paula looking at the lamp,
feels immense sorrow.
He looks at the lamp,
feels immense shame.
Looks at Paula again.

PAULA
Paula reaches for the gift card.
Paula: "I didn't mean it."

AL
I am Paula's dad when I see Paula reaching for the gift card.
I am unlike,
yet,
certainly am Paula's dad when I say: "You can keep it."

PAULA
Paula says: "I don't want it."

AL
Paula's dad says: "It's yours."

PAULA
"Thanks…"
Paula says.
…
Paula regards her relationship to her father as "a whale of a problem,"
wonders if that's a funny joke,
considers her options,
decides against opening her mouth to say such a stupid thing,
resigns to think of what to buy her dad with this stupid fucking gift card.

AL
Paula's dad,
who,
as should have been previously stated,
can read minds,
acknowledges the thoughts of his daughter.
:|
:(
He marvels at them:
(Wow, the generous decision to not tell this joke,
which,
yes,
would have caused me pain.
And,
yes,
does cause me pain,
as I can read minds,
though markedly less.)
And:
(Wow, how incredibly kind that this person would even consider giving me,
an unambiguous wretch,
a gift.)
And:
(This person would reproach herself at the thought of causing me pain.
Even unintentionally…)
Also:
(This person appears to be my daughter.)
(This person is my daughter whom I love very much.)
(This person is my daughter.)
(This person is my daughter.)
He asks himself a familiar question:
(Why am I like this?)
And gives a familiar answer:
(These damned genetics…)
He asks himself something new:
(Am I smarter than petty cruelty?)
And then he goes to bed.