Blue Whale Variations

HELLO.

IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

I'M SO GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

I MADE THIS FOR YOU.

I HOPE YOU LIKE IT.

THIS IS HOW THE PLAY BEGINS (Variation #1)

*An empty kitchen. Footsteps on stairs. AL leads CHARLIE and ANDY in.*

AL
That's the upstairs…

CHARLIE
There's so many rooms.

AL
Are there?

CHARLIE:
So many!
We can–
dedicate them to
specific activities like…
Sitting.

ANDY
Or standing.

CHARLIE
A standing room.
I like it.

ANDY
No chairs.

CHARLIE
Absolutely no chairs.

ANDY
None!

AL
That was the dining room.
But–that's–
yeah, you could do that.
…
Well…
This is the fridge.
I figured you all might like a fridge.

ANDY
I've never owned a fridge before.

CHARLIE
Me either.

AL
Well, it's all yours.
The ice thing doesn't work, but…

CHARLIE
I'm sure I can fix it–

AL
No need. I've tried.
It's extremely complicated.
I left some ice trays in the freezer.

CHARLIE
Alright.

AL
And I guess, all that's left is um–

AL fishes in his pockets.

AL (cont'd)
Uhh…

ANDY
Where are you all moving?

AL
Just down the street.

ANDY
We're neighbors. :)

CHARLIE
The one w/ the electrical box?

AL
Oh, you noticed that…

CHARLIE
They had an open house.

ANDY
It's nice.

AL
I'm glad you think so.

ANDY
Any reason yr // moving?

CHARLIE
Andy–

PAULA enters from outside.

AL
(To PAULA.)
What are you doing here?

PAULA
Hi.

AL
We uhh–
…
I just figured we didn't need a yard.
Or a basement.
Or an upstairs…
(Slight gesture.)
Just a lot of space.

CHARLIE
Plenty.
And is this–?

AL
And this is–

PAULA
My mom died.

AL
Paula. >:|

PAULA
Is that what– (?)
That's why we're moving.
So now we have to move.
Because my mom died.

AL
Also that.

CHARLIE
Oh.

AL
That was a thing that happened, yes.

CHARLIE
I'm so sorry–

AL
Please–

PAULA
(Sincere.)
Thank you.
…
Thank you for saying that.
Pause.

CHARLIE
(Sincere.)
You're very welcome.

PAULA
(To AL.) I forgot something. :|

PAULA goes into the house.

ANDY
I'm so sorry.

AL
Please. It's–
(Telling self.)
It's okay.

CHARLIE
That's terrible. Truly–
I–
We can come back–

AL
I can show you the garage.
It's well, it's a garage.
You can put yr…car in it… :/

AL exits. ANDY follows. CHARLIE hangs back.

PAULA enters holding a small TV.

PAULA
Where'd they go?

CHARLIE
The garage.

PAULA
Why?

CHARLIE
Your dad wanted to… (Formal.) I'm very sorry to hear your mother passed.

PAULA
Thank you.
…
You're a kind person.
…
It didn't happen here.
I don't know if that matters.

CHARLIE
… :/
It's awful all the same.

PAULA
It is.

CHARLIE
…
Are you okay?
I mean–
That's a stupid question.
Of course yr not.

PAULA
Of course I'm not.

CHARLIE
That was stupid–

PAULA
I'm very sad.
I'm sad a lot, too sad.
Like my sadness is overlapping itself.
I'm sad while I'm sad and
while I'm sad, I'm sad.
Overlapping, it's overlapping.
Have you ever been sad while yr sad?

CHARLIE
I'm not sure.

PAULA
You would know.
It's like being buried alive.
But a type of buried alive
that is mostly, very lonely.
Like I'm buried alone.
…
You would know.

CHARLIE
(Extending hand.)
I'm Charlie.

*PAULA sets down her TV, extends her hand to CHARLIE.*

PAULA
Paula.

CHARLIE
It is very good to meet you Paula.

PAULA
Likewise.

CHARLIE
You have a very lovely house.

PAULA
It's yours now.

CHARLIE
I suppose it is.

PAULA
I hope you like it here.
I hope it becomes
a home very soon for you.

CHARLIE
:)
That is a very kind thing to say.

AL reenters with ANDY.

AL
Like I said, it's a garage.
Not much to it.

ANDY
It is certainly a space.

AL
It does its job.

CHARLIE
Thanks so much
for showing us around.
It feels so nice
to be given a tour.

AL
Does it?

CHARLIE
It feels very special.

AL
I'm glad.

CHARLIE
Yeah– Like I'm in on a secret.

AL
A secret?

CHARLIE
(Maybe this will clarify.)
The good kind.

AL
Oh…

AL (cont'd)
Well, anyway–

ANDY
I hope you don't feel like we're rushing you.

AL
You're not–

ANDY
You can take your time.

AL
…
Here.

CHARLIE
Thank you very much, Al.

AL
You're very welcome.

Long pause.

AL
And this is the time where I leave.

AL takes a moment, leaves.

PAULA
I'd like to stay for a minute, if that's alright.
I don't mean to impose.
…
It'd be best if he got a head start.

CHARLIE
That's alright.

ANDY
You're free to visit any time you'd like.

CHARLIE
Of course, that goes without saying.

PAULA
That's kind of you…
I don't think the house would like that.

ANDY
The house?

PAULA
My dad either…

Pause.

ANDY
…
Is everything // alright?

CHARLIE & PAULA
No.

ANDY
… :|

PAULA
This feels sufficient.

PAULA goes to the door. Waits, turns.

PAULA
If you stick your head out
of the guest room at night.
You can almost hear the ocean.

CHARLIE
Which room is the guest room?

PAULA
(?)
:|
Upstairs, second door on the left.

ANDY
That sounds lovely.

PAULA
That's my favorite part…
…

PAULA leaves.

CHARLIE
This is where we celebrate.

ANDY
We kiss.

CHARLIE
And order pizza.

ANDY
And run room-to-room.

CHARLIE
And kiss.

ANDY
And laugh.

CHARLIE
And kiss some more.

ANDY
And at night–

CHARLIE
We turn on all the lights–

ANDY
And sit in the yard.

CHARLIE
We sit in the yard and "look at our house!"

ANDY
Our house is–

CHARLIE
"Like a train set."

ANDY
You say.

CHARLIE
"Like a train set."

ANDY
"What?"

CHARLIE
"I don't know. But, isn't it?"

ANDY
And we have drinks and more drinks.

CHARLIE
And we have sex on the stairs.

ANDY
And we sleep until noon.

CHARLIE
And you call in sick.

ANDY
And we start to unpack.

CHARLIE
And that's how the rest of our life begins.

ANDY
… :)
I like it.

CHARLIE
It's a good start. :)

ANDY
:)

CHARLIE
:)

ANDY
(Pointing to TV.)
Whose TV?

CHARLIE
Shit–

A rumble. Blackout.

THE LOCAL GOVERNMENT MAKES A DECISION & EXPLAINS THAT DECISION CLEARLY

*A podium. ANDY enters with papers. He sees the podium… Envying a gruesome death, he approaches the podium.*

ANDY
Greetings, good morning, good afternoon, hello– We, your city council, have, with the wellness of our constituents, some of which are friends, some; family, others… in mind, decided, we have, that is, after rigorous debate, tusslings re: personal wars, resentful nights and remorseful mornings, to, officially, acknowledge the whale.

ANDY looks out, offers an agonized grin.

ANDY (cont'd)
We cannot, for purposes, reasons, precautions pertaining to both safety and practicality, disclose how and of what form or formszzzzzz this acknowledgement has taken and will go on to take, as we roll out what may or may not be understood as "future initiatives."

Uncertain pause.

We've decided to acknowledge the whale and so it is acknowledged. We do not take this task lightly. We are, if anything, aware of the many possible darknesseszz that lay ahead. However, in spite of these truths, we have found humor, a struggle which we can only sheepishly encourage all to endeavor, in this hour. Some examples: a number of us have politely, in passing, not seriously, strictly in passing, noted our present situation as a "whale of a problem" which is hilarious to many of us; riotous to some; "okay" to… a contemptible few. >:( The hilarity of this, it should be noted, has yet to be to the detriment of our concerted effort to adequately address the gravity of this situation. Though… …we'll keep an eye on it…

We have likewise noted "gravity" is, under certain circumstances, also humorous, given the general size of any given whale; big, although, admittedly, funny of a lesser order than the previously mentioned "whale of a problem" phrasing which a certain intern, Paula, introduced to the benefit of her superiors and fellow interns. Paula has been rewarded with a gift card, for which she is grateful. May she be a model to us all. I've been– Apologies. I don't feel like myself.

Pause.

I hope this adequately addresses your concerns… I…I hope this will get easier.

Pause.

I'm gonna… Take a walk, I think.

SOMEONE NAMED PAULA WRITES A LETTER TO SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE

PAULA
Dear Charlie,

When I finish this letter,
I want you to know,
when I finish this letter,
I will wave to you.
I am waving to you
when you finish reading this letter
and I hope you will wave back,
when you finish this letter please
wave back to me.

Charlie.
There's a full moon in my heart.
I don't know what this means.
But I am hopeful–
No I'm not.
How is Andy? Is Andy there?
Can you put him on?

Haha.

The moon the one in my heart is full the moon.
I don't know what this means,
but I'm hoping you might.
I'll accept any answer you give so long as
you are the one who gives it to me.

I am concerned about the whale.

Sending all my love to you.
Think of me,
Paula

PAULA closes her eyes, smiles real big, waves.

P.S. I just waved. Okay your turn.

SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE WRITES A LETTER TO SOMEONE NAMED PAULA

CHARLIE
Dear Paula,

Thank you for your letter.
Andy loved your joke about the phone.
It took him a second, but I said it all wrong
but, when he got it
he started laughing and I started laughing
and we were laughing together
because of your joke so, thank you.

As per the question regarding the moon…
I'll need time to think about it.
In the meantime, please do not worry.
Perhaps it will leave soon,
perhaps it has come to stay,
in any case,
please, darling.
Don't worry…
It will be okay.

I want you to know, I missed your wave,
I am sorry, but, Paula, dear, when you say you
will wave at the end of the letter,
I will assume that means after having read all you have written.
Adding a post-script complicates this greatly.
I appreciated it nonetheless,
I could have sworn I felt it graze my cheek.

Did you catch my wave?
I think we are getting better at this.

Thinking of you,
Charlie

P.S. There is nothing to worry about.
I have read that they are gentle creatures.

ANDY enters. CHARLIE gets up and hugs him

ANDY
Hey, hello!

CHARLIE
I missed you.

ANDY
You too. :)

They hold each other.

ANDY (cont'd) Charlie–

CHARLIE I know. I know…

They hold each other more.

ANDY
Charlie–

CHARLIE
Right, you're right.
Okay.
Don't be long–

ANDY
Before you know it.

CHARLIE
I know. Okay. :)
I know…
Wait…

CHARLIE begins to mess up ANDY's hair, clothes, etc.

ANDY
I have to take this.

CHARLIE
Not yet.

ANDY
That's–
That's very kind of you.
Okay– :)
I think, that's good. X)

CHARLIE
Okay.

They give his hair one last swipe.

CHARLIE (cont'd)
Love you.

ANDY
You too.

CHARLIE exits swiftly. ANDY takes a breath, answers the phone.

ANDY
Hello.

AL
That was my joke.

ANDY
…
Hello?

AL
Andy. It's Al.

ANDY
Hey//Al.

AL
Listen to me.
I need you to listen to me.

ANDY
Okay.

AL
That was my joke.

ANDY
I'm sorry…
I'm having trouble–

AL She stole my joke.

ANDY
I'm having trouble following–

AL
Listen to me.
Listen to me.
"A whale of a problem."
You remember?

ANDY
Haha.

AL
My words.
Mine.
Did she not tell you?
Did she not tell you where she got that joke?!

ANDY
Oh the joke.
I didn't see you there.

AL
I wasn't.
TV, the news, Andy.
Are you–

ANDY
The news was there? :o

AL
Andy, are // you listening–

ANDY
How did I look?

AL
… >:|
You looked…
You looked good.

ANDY
Did I look official?

AL
Yes.

ANDY
Thank you.

AL
Andy–

ANDY
Does the job suit me?

AL
Yes, the job suits you–

ANDY
Thank you.

AL
Andy, I don't have a lot of time.
I would just like to know–

ANDY
When you see me on the news
do you think: "here's a guy that can do no harm?"

AL
Sure.

ANDY
Do you think:
"Here's a guy
with a head on some shoulders?"

AL
Yes, that is what I think–

ANDY
Thanks.

AL
Okay.

ANDY
Al?

AL
Andy.

ANDY
Can…
…
I think…

AL
What? >:|

ANDY
Al?

AL
Andy. >:|.

ANDY
Al, a car fell on my house last night.

AL
What?!

ANDY
I think–

AL
Is everyone okay?

ANDY
Someone must have fixed it.

AL
…
I think you had a dream.

ANDY
…
I guess I did… :/
:(

AL
Andy, I'm in a little bit of a hurry–

ANDY
Is it just me or–

AL
I don't know. :|

ANDY
Or does–

AL
I don't know. >:|

ANDY
AL!

AL
…

ANDY
Is it just me or…
Does everything
keep happening?
Are you still there?

AL
I am.

ANDY
Okay. Good.
Okay.
Is there anything I can help you with?

AL
Yes. :|
Did Paula tell you it was my joke?

ANDY
Who?

AL
Paula.
"Whale of a problem."

ANDY
Haha.
No.

AL
… >:|
That's what I thought. >:|

ANDY
Hey Al?

AL
That's what I thought >:(

ANDY
Could you call Charlie?
I'm not sure where the time went.

AL
I have to go.
I have to give a presentation…

SOMEONE NAMED PAULA & HER FATHER, AL, ACKNOWLEDGE THE POOR STATE OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP
(Q&A to follow)

AL and PAULA at a table w/ papers.

PAULA
I am Paula when I say: "Wait, but…"

AL
And I am Paula's dad when I say: "And–"

PAULA
Interrupting,
I,
who am Paula,
say: "They liked the joke, Dad.
What else do you want me to say?"

AL
Refusing to consider the question posed by my daughter,
Paula,
I am Paula's dad when I resume:
"And I,"
who am Paula's dad,
to be clear,
"I deserve the credit I deserve."
"And," Paula's dad continues,
more anger,
more veiny:
"And!"

PAULA
"Do you want me to call them?" Paula says,
not meaning to interrupt;
Paula is prone to the occasional interruption.

AL
"Call them?!" Paula's dad yells–
as Paula's dad is prone to the more-than-occasional yelling.
That is,
there are certain people that are prone to yelling more so than others.
Of these people,
Paula's dad is,
surely,
one.

PAULA
Paula says: "I can call them," gently and with sincerity.
…
As it is,
at this moment,
Paula is sincerely offering to call her employers so
her father can tell them a joke they have already heard.
It is her sincere belief that they would still enjoy to hear it again.
A belief she believes sincerely,
as Paula is of average proneness to sincerity.

AL
While Paula's dad is of below average sincerity.

PAULA
However, Paula is more prone to gentleness than others.

AL
While Paula's dad is of significantly-below-average gentleness.

PAULA
Regardless,
it is with both gentleness and sincerity that Paula,
now,
unwittingly says the wrong words
which were meant to express that:
the laughter is Not All Done,
but,
rather:
that there is More Laughter to Laugh,
in which Paula's dad is more than welcome to partake.
Those wrong words are:
"They really went wild for it." :/

AL
… >:|
Disregarding the sincere gentleness of his daughter,
Paula,
I,
who am Paula's father,
hear this as only:
(Our joy is at the expense of your own, dad.)
Adds: (You ignominious cur.)

PAULA
A thing Paula knows about her dad: (He only hears what he wants to hear.)

AL
It is not a secret that Paula knows this.
I am both Paula's dad and not Paula's dad when
I know that Paula knows this.
It is,
as we can see,
not a secret,
but,
in fact,
generally known.

PAULA
Likewise,
Paula is frustrated with her dad when he knows things,
but does nothing with his knowledge.
(He's smart), she thinks.
(So why does he go on letting himself be so unlikeable?)

AL
Paula's dad does not believe this has to do w/ knowledge,
but possibly genetics.
If ever asked what this means
he would not have an answer.

PAULA
While unsure if there is ever an appropriate time to broach this topic,
Paula regards this moment as certainly not The Time and,
instead,
remembers to worry about the gift card.

AL
Yes,
Paula's dad knows about the gift card.

PAULA
While,
no,
Paula does not know Paula's dad knows about the gift card,
which is,
at this moment,
in her pocket.

AL
Paula's dad,
as may already be inferred,
feeling entitled to the fruits of one's labor,
etc.,
wants the gift card.

PAULA
Paula worries while pretending not to worry,
which,
as we may know,
looks like worrying.

AL
Paula's dad watches the news.

PAULA
Paula did not expect the news to be there.

AL
Paula's dad watches Paula worry.

PAULA
Paula worries, visibly–

PAULA & AL
–while her father watches–

PAULA
–about the gift card,
which is,
again,
in her pocket.

AL
Paula's dad broke a lamp when he heard about the gift card.

PAULA
Paula has seen the lamp,
but,
not knowing her father knows about the gift card in her pocket,
feels its having-been-broken was unrelated to the gift card in her pocket.
Certainly not an accident,
but certainly unrelated to the gift card,
which currently resides in Paula's front pocket;
to be clear,
the one on the right.
Paula suspects he knows about the gift card.

PAULA & AL
Paula goes to speak,
but is interrupted by Paula's dad–

AL
–who I certainly am when I say: "I know about the gift card."

PAULA
Paula puts her hand on her pocket

AL
Paula's dad sees this.

PAULA
Paula looks at her father,
regrets everything.

AL
Awash in boyish rage,
Paula's dad says: "That was my joke,"
while imagining snakes flowing from his eyes.

PAULA
Paula imagines this too.

PAULA & AL
They imagine snakes flowing from the eyes of Paula's father.

PAULA
I am like Paula when I think:
(I don't like Paula's dad.)
Similarly, I am like Paula when I think:
(For that matter, I don't like Paula all that much either.)
However, I am distinct from Paula when I say:
"I am at peace knowing that,
soon,
I will no longer be Paula."

AL
(?)

PAULA
Conversely,
we are,
it would seem,
having both said this,
alike.

AL
"What?"

PAULA
(Oh no,)
Paula thinks.
"Did I say something?"
Paula says.

AL
"I am at peace knowing that,
soon,
I will no longer be Paula."

PAULA
"I don't know why I said that."

AL
…
"Why did you say that?"

PAULA
"I don't know–"

AL
This is not the first time Paula's dad has heard her say this.

PAULA
Paula is unaware her father heard her all those other times.

AL
Paula's dad: "Paula?"

PAULA
Paula worries her father heard her all those other times.

AL
Paula's dad: "Sweetie?"

PAULA
Paula thinks: (I am so dumb.)

AL
Paula's dad: "…who else would you be?"

PAULA
Paula knows: (It's a small house.)

AL
Paula's dad recalls a specific instance
involving Paula looking at a mirror.
This instance was not the first time he had heard her say this.
But was the first time
he could not convince himself that he
did not hear her say this,
but,
in fact,
heard something else.

PAULA
Paula has convinced me to un-dislike Paula while Paula,
herself,
is unconvinced.

AL
Paula's dad is unlike Paula while she dislikes herself.

PAULA
Paula,
on the other hand,
believes the opposite.
And,
furthermore,
believes a shared dislike for her,
Paula,
is one of their only commonalities.

AL
Thinking, Paula's dad: (Does she think I hate her?)
Asks: (Why am I the person I am?)
Answers: (These cursed genetics.)

PAULA
While feeling this way,
she looks at the lamp,
of which her father has made no attempt at disposing.

AL
Paula's dad looks at Paula looking at the lamp,
feels immense sorrow.
He looks at the lamp,
feels immense shame.
Looks at Paula again.

PAULA
Paula reaches for the gift card.
Paula: "I didn't mean it."

AL
I am Paula's dad when I see Paula reaching for the gift card.
I am unlike,
yet,
certainly am Paula's dad when I say: "You can keep it."

PAULA
Paula says: "I don't want it."

AL
Paula's dad says: "It's yours."

PAULA
"Thanks…"
Paula says.
…
Paula regards her relationship to her father as "a whale of a problem,"
wonders if that's a funny joke,
considers her options,
decides against opening her mouth to say such a stupid thing,
resigns to think of what to buy her dad with this stupid fucking gift card.

AL
Paula's dad,
who,
as should have been previously stated,
can read minds,
acknowledges the thoughts of his daughter.
:|
:(
He marvels at them:
(Wow, the generous decision to not tell this joke,
which,
yes,
would have caused me pain.
And,
yes,
does cause me pain,
as I can read minds,
though markedly less.)
And:
(Wow, how incredibly kind that this person would even consider giving me,
an unambiguous wretch,
a gift.)
And:
(This person would reproach herself at the thought of causing me pain.
Even unintentionally…)
Also:
(This person appears to be my daughter.)
(This person is my daughter whom I love very much.)
(This person is my daughter.)
(This person is my daughter.)
He asks himself a familiar question:
(Why am I like this?)
And gives a familiar answer:
(These damned genetics…)
He asks himself something new:
(Am I smarter than petty cruelty?)
And then he goes to bed.

Q&A:
THE ACKNOWLEDGEMENT OF SOMEONE NAMED PAULA AND HER FATHER, AL

AL
Alright, thank you everyone for being here.
Um,
it looks like some of you are ahead of us,
which is great,
really looking forward to this,
but uh there are microphones set up in the aisles.
We'll go clockwise and,
uh,
yeah!
We'll see how many we can answer.
Would you like to say anything before we get started?

PAULA
Yes:
Thank you all for sticking around!
…
That's it. :P

AL
Al//right–

PAULA
Oh and um…
…
No that's it.

AL
Are you sure?

PAULA
Yep. Sorry, just excited. :)
Thanks everybody! X)
Okay. That's it.

AL
Great. :)
So um…
house-left?
Let's start there.

RESPONDENT #1
…
Is that me?

PAULA
Yes. :)

AL
That's you. :)

RESPONDENT #1
Great. So,
first off,
I'd just like to thank you all for doing this.

PAULA
That's very kind. :)

AL
It is. :)
Um. What is your question?

RESPONDENT #1
Right, uh…
Did Paula know her father can read minds?

PAULA
I can take this.
Hi,
I was Paula.
I think,
well,
I think…
and,
of course this is open for discussion–

AL
As is the nature of these things.

PAULA
Yes,
as is the nature of them.
I think Paula has a sneaking suspicion.
She's bright,
from what I could gather,
and could probably intuit something…
that he was // at the very least–

AL
I think Paula–
Oh sorry, you finish. PAULA
Oh geez.
I'm so sorry.

RESPONDENT #1
You're fine. :)

PAULA
I was just going to say that
she at least could acknowledge that he was
remarkably perceptive.
She'd definitely noticed that.
That's all,
what were you going to say?

AL
Right.
I mean,
Paula's dad is smart.

PAULA
Right, yeah–

AL
And Paula is too,
for her age sure,
but even generally.

PAULA
Certainly!

REPONDENT #1 How old was she?

PAULA & AL
16.

AL
And 16 year olds,
I mean,
that's a pretty–
and I'm speaking from my own experience–
that's a pretty formative year.
Not just as an individual,
like–

PAULA
Well, that's when you start really
differentiating yourself from your environment.

AL
Exactly,
and along with that,
16 is when you start to formulate your
conception-of-self in relation to that environment.
That is:
how you relate to it…
Not precisely 16,
but,
you know,
around then–

PAULA
Interesting.

AL
And,
speaking as her father here,
so,
outside eyes in a way–
more outside, at least–
Paula's identity wasn't–
how do I say this?
It wasn't against her environment.
Society, I mean.

PAULA
You're talking about her internship?

AL
Right right.

PAULA
At the local government.

AL
Precisely.

PAULA
Right, she's definitely not going against society here. :P

AL
Definitely.
But there's certainly an against-ness with her father.

PAULA
Hmm…

AL
Or,
do you have something…?

PAULA
Well,
this may be splitting hairs,
but,
I don't know if there's anything
she could have done about that.

AL
Oh, I don't think so either,
Which,
not to get ahead of myself,
but that's what makes the whole
genetics thing interesting to me,
but anyway,
Paula was more at-home in the world, so to speak.
She knew,
as I'm sure we all know,
that people can't read minds.
At least not in any real sense.

PAULA
I don't know if that necessarily makes her smart. :P

AL
It doesn't.
But, it does make her wrong…
But, that umm…

PAULA
Against//-ness.

AL
Against-ness, thank you.
That against-ness with her father–
–and I'd really like to hear your thoughts on this–
I feel like she acknowledged that against-ness;
the relative ease with which each of them navigate the world.
That her father was definitely more…
I can't think of the word…
…
Just that her father's identity was more against society.

PAULA
Anti-social?

AL
Sure, um–

PAULA
Sorry.

AL
No, you're not wrong.
I just think that Paula read
her father's apparent perceptiveness as
a product of both his intelligence and
his being more at-odds,
more outside of,
against,
society.

PAULA
More of an observer.

AL
Exactly.

PAULA
Rather than a performer.

AL
Exactly.
So any sort of,
any uncanny acuity with regards to the thoughts of others,
wasn't super-
or supra-
natural,
but actually just a feature of his a-sociality.

PAULA
That sounds right.
I'm not sure if she,
well,
if she would consciously see it that way–

AL
You don't think so?

PAULA
No, no, I think,
you know–
having heard that explanation–
she wouldn't disagree necessarily.
But,
I don't think she saw it as a kind of…
I don't think she saw it as an effect of his,
what did you call it?

AL
Asociality?

PAULA
Right, good-word.
His apparent perceptiveness wasn't so much
an effect of his asociality,
but actually a reason for his asociality.
I mean,
from her perspective,
and going back to the text here…
Ummm…
Paula is frustrated with her dad when he knows things,
but does nothing with his knowledge.
He's smart, she thinks.
So why does he go on letting himself be so unlikeable?
So,
if she knew he could read minds…
well,
I don't think she could know that.
I mean,
it's hard to imagine a person who could read minds
and still act so…
well,
so unlikable;
so inept.
I don't think that Paula's capable to–
to conceive of a version of
her father who could read minds that is–
actually–
exactly the same as the one she's experienced.
I mean,
sure maybe we can,
but Paula?
I don't think she could.

AL
Huh…

PAULA
Yeah…
Sorry, did that answer your question?

RESPONDENT #1
Yes, thank you.

PAULA
Thank you.

AL
–Thanks.
Alright, umm, // yes.
CHARLIE
Hello. :)

PAULA
Charlie!

CHARLIE
Hi Paula, Hi Al.

PAULA
Oh, this is so nice. I'm so glad you could make it. :)

CHARLIE
Me too!

AL
It's great to see you. :)

CHARLIE
You too, you too–
Sorry, I know there's a line.

AL
Go for it.

CHARLIE
Um.
How's the new house?

PAULA
Oh.

AL
Um…

PAULA
Small.
It's small.

AL
Yes, we're still.
We're adjusting.
…
It'll be a home soon.

PAULA
…

CHARLIE
Right–
…
We can talk later…

PAULA
Bye Charlie.

AL
Bye.

CHARLIE leaves.

RESPONDENT #2
Hey. Uh–

AL
Hello.

RESPONDENT #2
Where was the gift card from?

PAULA & AL
Footlocker.

RESPONDENT #2
Oh.

AL
Yep.

RESPONDENT #2
Alright.

RESPONDENT #3
Hi.

PAULA
Hello.

RESPONDENT #3
Um, thank you.
I'll keep this brief.
I just,
I guess my question has two parts…
If that's alright?

AL
Is that your question? :P

RESPONDENT #3
No. :(

PAULA
He's kidding, go ahead. Yes.

RESPONDENT #3
Okay.
So I guess the first thing is um,
where is Paula's mother during all of this and um,
I mean,
is she,
is she dead or–?
That's not my question,
but if she is, umm…
…
Is she?

AL
Yes.

RESPONDENT #3
Okay, great–
um, so–
not-great I mean–
uhh… :/

PAULA
You're doing great.
Take your time.

RESPONDENT #3
Thanks, I…
I just…

AL
We can come back, if you'd like?–

RESPONDENT #3
I'm wondering if that has an effect on their relationship,
if so how,
and what is the–
What is the nature of her absence?

AL
The nature of her absence?\

RESPONDENT #3
The mother's, yeah–
Sorry, that was three parts. :/

PAULA
It's a big question.

RESPONDENT #3
Sorry. I know. Sorry… :(

PAULA
No, that's great.
It's very important we ask ourselves these questions.

AL
It's the nature of these things.

PAULA
It is, but it's really…
It's the purpose of these things as well.
And,
I just,
I'm very grateful for the big questions.
It well…
It takes a lot of bravery.
And I'm thankful.

RESPONDENT #3
Thank you. :')

PAULA
Thank you. Well…
…

AL
…

PAULA
If it's not too much to ask,
I would just…
I know we would really like to get
some more voices in on this question.
I mean,
I have thoughts on this,
but I was Paula–
–and you were Paula's dad–
And,
only if you're comfortable,
I'd like to hear what you think the nature of her absence was?

RESPONDENT #3
Well–

PAULA
If that's alright.

RESPONDENT #3
Yes, I…
I think…

PAULA
Take your time.

RESPONDENT #3
…
Her death wasn't sudden.

AL
(!)

PAULA
Right.

RESPONDENT #3
So it gave them all time to kind of,
prepare for that absence.
And Paula's mom was there for that too.
She helped them prepare.

AL
She did…

RESPONDENT #3
And,
while preparing…
They all,
well,
it was the most together they'd ever been.
That's when they really came together as a family.
And,
well,
like you said,
16 is formative…

AL
What was that?

RESPONDENT #3
Or around that time, I mean–
It didn't happen long ago.
Sometime in the last year.

PAULA
Huh.

RESPONDENT #3
Sorry did I, did I get that right?

PAULA
Yes, yeah, sorry, please continue.

RESPONDENT #3
Well…
Paula saw that.
She saw this was the most like-a-family they had been.
And saw her part in that environment.
Al too.
And there was hope in that,
that,
this difficult time didn't tear them apart,
but brought them together…
So there was hope for uhh,
well,
there was hope that after she died that…

PAULA
And her mother?

RESPONDENT #3
What was that?

PAULA
Do you think
Paula's mother knew this?

RESPONDENT #3
I think so. Yes.

AL
Good… :)

RESPONDENT #3
And that made it all,
well,
we would expect that to make things easier.
It was no surprise that it made things easier.
And then the time came and well…
I…
From what I could tell,
and…
I hope I'm wrong, but…

PAULA AND AL
…

RESPONDENT #3
I think her absence would be defined as…
one of…
disappointment.
…
Of failure and guilt.
…
That the implicit promise of
familial love wasn't
necessarily a certainty.
It was actually,
well,
a process that would require
a greater amount of maintenance
than they could have imagined.
And this maintenance
they had not really practiced before.
Not between the two of them.
So that,
on all of their actions,
there's this…
extra weight;
a felt responsibility to do better,
to be the perfect family,
which,
in their minds,
was the case
while she was dying.
So,
whenever…
whenever petty cruelty appears,
in whatever form,
the um,
the lamp or even sharing the joke with her coworkers…
which,
I mean,
Paula knew how her father would feel about that–

PAULA
Uh, stop– (?)

AL
Let them–

PAULA
No. I…
I don't think we should excuse his // actions.

AL
Let them // finish…

RESPONDENT #3
It certainly doesn't excuse his actions at all.
He was completely unreasonable, but…
She knew how he was going to react unreasonably.
And did it anyway–

PAULA
But it was just a joke.
There's nothing wrong with– >:/

RESPONDENT #3
Right, yes, but she felt guilt, like immediately.
Right?
Like,
it didn't take her father yelling at her to feel bad.
She told the joke and immediately felt bad.
Right?

AL
Sweetie…

PAULA
Yeah.
Yes.
You're right. >:(

AL
:(

RESPONDENT #3
Sorry, I'm not excusing his actions at all.
I'm not meaning to–

AL
–it's okay…

RESPONDENT #3
What I mean to say is:
Her actions,
their actions,
aren't umm,
or,
let me rephrase that…
Either consciously or not,
they aren't…
I believe:
Paula and her father are unable
to allow their actions–
wrongness aside–
to be singular.
The lamp is coupled
w/ the failure of the father to,
well,
be a father.
And the joke is coupled with,
in Paula's eyes,
her failure to be the daughter that would be
most at-home in that environment,
the daughter most at-home in her family. And further–
Further…

RESPONDENT #3 (cont’d) … :(
But…
maybe I'm wrong…

AL
So…where do we go from here?

RESPONDENT #3
Well…
I…
You could try camping.
I like camping.
That might be a nice thing to do.

PAULA
…

AL
Thank you for this.

PAULA
Are there any more questions?

RESPONDENT #4
Hi.

AL
Here's one–

PAULA
Yes. :|

RESPONDENT #4
Have there been any updates on the whale?

The kitchen. CHARLIE unpacks boxes, carefully and excitedly putting away dishes. ANDY enters with a box. They look at each other. They look at each other in their kitchen. This is their kitchen. This is their house.

ANDY
Thought I'd help a little.

CHARLIE hugs ANDY.

CHARLIE
I miss you already.

ANDY
I miss you too.

CHARLIE
I tried calling.

ANDY
I'll see you soon.

CHARLIE
But you won't recognize me. :(

ANDY
It can be a secret.

CHARLIE
I don't like secrets.

ANDY
I know you don't.
But we can pretend.
But you don't like that either.

CHARLIE
I don't.

ANDY
I know.

CHARLIE
I can do my best.

ANDY
How is the house?

CHARLIE
It misses you.
The dog misses you too.

ANDY
We don't have a dog.

CHARLIE
If we did it would miss you.
It would whine at the door.
Run window to window.
That's what I meant.
That's what I'd do
if I was our dog.

ANDY
But we don't have a dog.

CHARLIE
I'm doing my best.

ANDY
And I'm so proud of you.

CHARLIE
…
I'm doing my best.

ANDY
And I'm so proud of you.

CHARLIE
…
…
I'm doing my best.

ANDY
And I'm so proud of you.

CHARLIE
…
…
…
I'm doing my best.

ANDY
…
…
…
You make me so proud.

CHARLIE
:')

ANDY
If I had a life without you in it.
It would miss you terribly,
dearly, terribly,
I miss you dear.
And when I come back
it will be just like old times.

CHARLIE
When you come back
it will be just like old times.

ANDY
When I come back
it will be just like old times.

CHARLIE
When will you be back?

ANDY
At the perfect time.
I promise.
I'll be back at the perfect time.

CHARLIE
I love you.

ANDY
I love you.

SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE TALKS TO THEIR TV (Variation #1)

CHARLIE unpacks boxes. The TV is on.

TV
I pronounce your name
on dark nights
when stars come
to drink of the moon,
and branches sleep
in hidden fronds.
I am empty of passion,
and music.
A mad clock singing
long dead hours.
I pronounce your name
on this dark night,
and your name never sounded
farther away.

CHARLIE makes a phone call.

CHARLIE
Nope. :|

CHARLIE resumes unpacking.

TV
Farther than all stars,
aching more than a soft rain.
Will I ever love you
Again as then?
What guilt has my heart
if mist shade it?

CHARLIE tries calling again.

CHARLIE
Keep going.

TV
What new passion waits?
Will it be tranquil and pure?
If my fingers could only
strip the moon!
…
Si Mis Manos Pudieran Deshojar
by Federico García Lorca
Translated by Edwin Honig, 1942
…
Blue whales are big.
They have big brains.
These big brains–

CHARLIE hangs up–

CHARLIE
I have a question.
What is it like being a TV?

TV …
What is it like not being a TV?

CHARLIE
That's a big question.

TV
Exactly.
Let's not pretend we can understand the other.
Personally, I'm fine with the rift in compassion.
I mean empathy.
I mean understanding.
I mean empathy.

CHARLIE
Okay.

TV
Continuing. :|

CHARLIE
Was just // curious.

TV
CONTINUING: >:|
Okay:
Blue whales, big brains, and so are incredibly intelligent.
As smart if not smarter than humans.
They are so smart –
– it is widely believed – that the only thing
preventing them from agriculture
is thumbs.

CHARLIE
Huh.

TV
I however do not believe this.

CHARLIE
Oh?

TV
Not one bit.

CHARLIE
Go on.

TV
It's ridiculous.

CHARLIE
How so?

TV
One doesn't need thumbs to cultivate crops.

CHARLIE
One doesn't?

TV
No, you'd need a desire to conquer
and dominate your environment to do that.
Thumbs would help, but…I'm getting off track.
They are acutely sensitive to sound.
They have very good ears.
That fill with wax.
Which is very important.
For it is from this wax
we have ascertained
the life span of the blue whale.

CHARLIE
How old do they get?

TV
Let me check.

CHARLIE
Never mind.
Can I watch something?

TV
No.
We're learning about whales.

CHARLIE
Yr no fun.

TV
Baby…you don't know the half of it. >:(

TV
Ahem. >:(

CHARLIE
It's Al.

TV
Oh, it's Al. >.>

CHARLIE
Hey Al–

AL
Charlie, it's Al.

CHARLIE
Yes, hi.

TV
Hi Al. >.>

CHARLIE
Sh.

AL
Hi. Andy told me to call you.

CHARLIE
He did?

AL
Yeah.

CHARLIE
When?

AL
Oh…
A few hours ago–
Sorry, just now–
Or–
Strangest thing, I'm not sure.
Today?
Today.
Sometime today.
… :|

CHARLIE
Alright.
Is that it?

AL
Is he doing okay?

CHARLIE
Why?

AL
…

CHARLIE
Well, he's…
He's been stressed.

AL
I'm sure.

CHARLIE
New job and
the whale and all.
Which, I heard Paula's joke,
a whale // of a problem–

AL
A whale of a problem yeah.
I said that. Anyway–
Andy. Um…

CHARLIE
When did you say you talked?

AL
…
I can't remember.

CHARLIE
Okay…

AL
Yeah…

CHARLIE
I don't suppose he told you when he'd be home.

AL
He's not back yet?

CHARLIE
No. Al, are you alright?

AL
You may want to give him a call.

CHARLIE
I just tried, he didn't answer.

AL
You should give him a call.

CHARLIE
I just did.

AL
Did he answer?

CHARLIE
No.

AL
…

CHARLIE
I can try again.

AL
…
Yeah. Do that…

CHARLIE
You're scaring me a little.

AL
Sorry, my head feels…full.
I'm sure it's fine.
He just sounded a little strange.

CHARLIE
Strange?

AL
Strange, a little or–
I'm making things out of things–
Words are funny.

CHARLIE
Strange how?

AL
Not strange, "off" maybe?
I can't get my words right.

CHARLIE
Strange how, Al?

AL
"Out of it" maybe?

CHARLIE
Al.

AL
Have you seen him today?

CHARLIE
Not since this morning.

AL
He was on the news.

CHARLIE
Okay, besides that, this morning.

AL
I wasn't sure if you saw.

CHARLIE
I did.

AL
He looked good.

CHARLIE
He did.

AL
The job suits him.

CHARLIE
Yes it does.
Hey–

AL
Head on some shoulders..

CHARLIE
Al. >:|

AL
…
Did a car fall on the house last night?

CHARLIE
A car?

AL
Yeah.

CHARLIE
I'm gonna let you go now, Al.

AL
Did a car fall on the house last night? >:|

CHARLIE
Not that I'm aware of…

AL
Uh.
Charlie?

CHARLIE
Yes, Al?

AL
Can you check?

CHARLIE
Check what?

AL
Are you sure?

CHARLIE
Sure about what?

AL
The car.

CHARLIE
…Yes. I'm sure…

AL
Okay.
Are you sure?

CHARLIE
Yes.

AL
Okay.
Are you sure?

CHARLIE
Yes.

AL
Okay.
Are you–

CHARLIE
I'm hanging up now, Al.

AL
Wait, Charlie.

CHARLIE
I'm gonna try Andy again.

AL
Please don't go.

CHARLIE
Well now I'm worried, so, thanks for that.

AL
Charlie, something's wrong..

CHARLIE
Thank you. Okay.

AL
Something's wrong, wait–

CHARLIE
Good-bye.

TV
Around 70.

CHARLIE
…

TV
That's how old they get…

CHARLIE
…

TV
How's Al?

CHARLIE
Sh.

TV
…
Traffic backed up.
Miles of lights
bounding over the hills.

CHARLIE
Can you please–

TV
All eyes on the whale…

CHARLIE
"The person you are trying to reach–"

Andy…

TV
How is the voicemail?
Did she ask about me? ;)

CHARLIE
I don't like this.
Where are my keys?

TV
Charlie, he's fine.

CHARLIE
Nobody knows that.

TV
I know. :(

CHARLIE
Where are they?!

TV
There's traffic.

CHARLIE
I'll go around it.

TV
That sounds illegal.

CHARLIE
Have you seen my keys?

TV
Would you like to watch something of comfort?

CHARLIE
No, I don't–

TV
Would you like to hear the latest music?

CHARLIE
Do you know
where I put my keys?! :'(

TV
…
Check the sink.

CHARLIE
Who put them there?

TV
You.

CHARLIE
No I didn't.

TV
You did.

CHARLIE
I guess I did…

TV
Can I come with you?

CHARLIE
No.

TV
Please?

CHARLIE
No.

TV
I would rather not be alone right now.

CHARLIE
Don't tell me you're worried about–

TV
The whale, I am.
It's…ominous.

CHARLIE
You're mistaking ominous for big.

TV
Well it's strange.

CHARLIE
You're mistaking strange for unexpected.

TV
These things don't happen every day.

CHARLIE
Yes they do.
Strange–
Unexpected things happen every day.
Stop being stupid.
Stop being so fucking stupid all the time.

TV Would you like to berate me?

CHARLIE
Don't fucking look at me!
You parasite! You stain!
You pig-nothing! How are you not
totally embarrassed w/ yourself every
day of your fucking life?! Are you
completely unaware that
nothing you ever do
will ever matter at all?
But you continue to be so
fucking loud and horrible!
And boring!
God you're boring!
And how do you not know?!
And are you that fucking dumb?!
Moron, stupid fucking child.
You are so small. You are small I could
crush you. I wish I could crush you.
Can't believe you, crush you.
I can't believe you!
I can't believe you could do that! To me?! Of all people?!
Out of anyone, me?!
And don't you dare call that selfish,
you have no idea what I've been through today.
You have no idea what I've been through all my life.
Annihilating, punishing sorrow.
Blackest-ever-black. Have you
ever felt sorrow for anyone but yourself?!
Have you ever felt sorrow?!
Have you ever suffered?!
Do you know what it's like to suffer?!
I do!
Everyday, inescapable suffering!
No escape!
I will never escape this failure of a world.
This shameful planet.
This vile, rattling monster-planet. I hate
your fucking guts and you'll never care.
You'll never care I hate your guts.
And I'll always be wrong.
And nothing will ever change.
And everyone holds so tightly to the worst things about themselves.
And why won't anyone admit their horrible pain
and stop punishing me with loneliness?!
The torture of being so small and
powerless and helpless and god! GOD!
Why am I so alone?!
Everyone's accepted everything.
And I'll never know how.
And I hate them.
And I hate you.
And I hate myself.
And I hate myself, but never more than you–
Can I watch a movie? I would like to watch a movie.

TV
Of course.

SOMEONE NAMED PAULA & HER FATHER, AL, CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS (Variation #1)

AL and PAULA sit at a table. Papers etc.

AL
Have Paula and Al ever been camping?

PAULA
You're considering it?

AL
Maybe…
Have we?

PAULA
I don't think so.

AL
Are we an outdoor-family?

PAULA
Are we outdoorsy?

AL
Are we?

PAULA
…we had a yard.

AL
We did activities in the yard.

PAULA
I liked our yard.

AL
We didn't need it.

PAULA
I know…

AL
…
It is safe to camp?
All things considered.

PAULA
I wouldn't see why not.

AL
Bears are a thing.

PAULA
They're more scared of you than you are of them.

AL
The whale.

PAULA
They are gentle giants,
so I am told.

AL
Miscellaneous unforeseen // circumstances.

PAULA
We can't let miscellaneous unforeseen circumstances dictate our lives.
That's no way to live.
Also, I got you some in-soles,
for your shoes.
They're in the garage.

AL
Thank you.
That is very kind.
… :/

PAULA
Have we ever collaborated
on a project we both find valuable?

AL
… :/

PAULA
Dad?

AL
… :(
Nothing.

PAULA
…
What?

AL
Have you heard from Andy?

PAULA
Why would I talk to Andy?

AL
He's your friend.

PAULA
Charlie's my friend.
Andy's my boss.

AL
Andy's a friend.

PAULA
Have we collaborated on a // project–

AL
Andy's a–

PAULA
Would you like to have a fight?

AL
Is that what we would do?

PAULA
I think so.

AL
Okay, you start.

PAULA
Okay.
Why do you hate me?

AL
I don't–
I don't hate you.

PAULA
Then why does it feel so much
like you do so bad.

AL
…
I'm…tired.

PAULA
It feels like you hate me
when you say you're tired
when I'm trying to ask you why–

AL
Why do you feel like I hate you?
What could ever make you think that?
Do you know how that feels to hear?
Did you consider that? Maybe?

PAULA
You never talk to me.
You never talk to me about anything that matters.
You never talk about the thing I need you to talk about
I need someone to talk about–
I need you to be my dad.

AL
I am your dad.

PAULA
Then act like it!

AL
How?!

PAULA
I miss mom! Do you?

AL
What are you insinuating?

PAULA
I'm not insinuating any//thing–

AL
You think I don't?

PAULA
You don't act like it.

AL
What do you want?
You want me to cry?

PAULA
I don't know–

AL
You want me to scream?

PAULA
No, I just want–

AL
What do you want?
How should I act?!

PAULA
Like you!
I don't know! X(
Act like you would if mom was dead
and I'm still here and I'm the only one here
and I'm sad about mom and I'm lonely without mom–

AL
Well, I'm still here too. >:|

PAULA
But you aren't!
Or–
Not the way I need you to be.

AL
And what way is that?!

PAULA
I–

AL
What?!

PAULA
Please don't yell at me… :(

AL
What do you want me to do?!
What do you want me to do, Paula?!
How should I act?!
What should I be?!

PAULA
My dad. :'( …
Just…
Be my dad again…

AL (?)
(Shakes head; this means nothing.)
…
Maybe you should take some time
to figure out what you want
and get back to me.

PAULA
…
Okay.

AL
Jesus Paula–
Can't believe you would speak to me like this.
As if I'm not trying my best, as if–

PAULA
Dad–

AL
Don't! Interrupt me!
My wife's dead and my daughter
doesn't want to be my daughter?
What the fuck would you do in–

PAULA
I // didn't–

AL
What did I just say?!

PAULA
I didn't think you heard that–

AL
It's a small house!

PAULA
And we're the only ones in it.
This isn't fun.

AL
Is it supposed to be? :/

PAULA
I don't know…
I just–
…
Feel like…
We aren't ourselves to each other anymore.
We're just
other people now.
We help each other sometimes.
You're the person that pays for stuff.
And we eat at a table.
And we sit in chairs…
…
I'm just–
a person who lives in a house
while a person named you is here too.
And neither of us really knows why…

AL
…

PAULA
…I miss having fun with you…
…
…I miss having fun with you…
…
…
…
…I miss having fun with you…
…
…
…
…
…I miss having fun with you…
…
…
…
…
…
…I miss having fun with you…
…
…
…
…
…
…
…I miss having fun with you…

AL
That's a thing we don't do together anymore.
…
Hard to imagine what that would look like–
Dammit. X|

PAULA
You're right.

AL
No, I mean, I can remember–

PAULA
I know.
…
We don't have fun anymore.
And I'm not so sure we can.

AL
…
You're not?

PAULA
No.

AL
… :/
… :(

PAULA
Paula's dad,
in this moment,
is reading his daughter's,
Paula's, me's, mind.
(Why is he doing this?)
Perhaps he doesn't believe her.
Perhaps he is looking to find lingering,
flickering, um, some nagging hope…I guess…
is what I'm trying to say and, um–
He can't find it.
It's–
It's not there.
…
There's a silence while he does this.
That keeps kind of dragging on…
…
And um, the silence, I mean um,
Paula acknowledges it.
And is suspicious,
having clarified that her suspicions,
that her dad–
He's reading her mind and she knows it and
she doesn't know why he is and
then she wonders if he could read her heart.
And thinks about her heart.
And so her heart,
well, it gets lifted up into her head, I guess, and
he sees it.
And he wonders if there's any hope there and
so he looks and looks and Paula thinks about
the moon in her heart, and suddenly well.
The moon's there
in his daughter's, Paula's, me's heart.
And he's there and he looks and he looks and–
I'm sick
of being
Paula. >X|

CHARLIE appears.

CHARLIE
Hey.

PAULA
Hi Charlie.

CHARLIE
I need to talk to you.

PAULA
Can we
do this later?
I…now's not so good.

CHARLIE
This can't wait.

PAULA
My dad's reading my mind.

CHARLIE
Why?

PAULA
Now's no good.

CHARLIE
Paula dear…
There's a moon in my heart.

SOMEONE NAMED AL VISITS THE MOON IN THE HEART OF HIS DAUGHTER

The moon. A bench and a street lamp. AL enters.

AL
Is there an echo?
…
Nope.
Nope-nope-nope.
…
Nope-nope-nope.
…
Nope.
…
:/

AL sits, looks up; quite the view. Looks out; a world of dust. Looks back up, squints.

ANDY enters, wandering, wearing the cowboy hat.

ANDY
Hey Al. :)

AL
What are you doing here?

ANDY
Just taking a walk.
Hey, what a view, right?

AL
It's quite the view.

ANDY
Quite the view.

AL
Have you called Charlie?

ANDY
No, not yet, I will.
I will real soon though, I promise–

AL
I won't hound you.
…

ANDY
…

AL
Sorry.
Didn't mean to interrupt your walk.

ANDY
You didn't.

AL
Then never mind.

ANDY
…
Is everything alright?

AL
Tired.
Tired is all.
Exhausted.
Exhausted is all.

ANDY
You haven't slept either?

AL
No, that's uh–
That's kind of all I've been doing…

ANDY
I'd like to sleep.

AL
I'd like…
I'm just so tired.

ANDY
Everything keeps happening.

AL
Everything keeps happening…

ANDY
It'll never stop…

AL
It won't.

ANDY
It'll never leave…

AL
It'll never leave me alone.
…

ANDY
I can let you–

AL
No. I–
I just…
Can you stay…
please?

ANDY
(?)
:)
I'll stay.

ANDY sits. They look to the black sky.

ANDY (cont'd)
Quite the view.
Hey–
Hey, what's what's going on?

AL
I don't know.

ANDY
Can you–
try to tell me?

AL
I don't know how.

ANDY
What does it feel like?

AL
I can't–

ANDY
What are some words?

AL
Sinkhole.
Dead deer.
This is stupid–

ANDY
Good.
What else?

AL
Black hole.
This is fucking dumb.
Eternal.
It feels like those things.

ANDY
What else?

AL
It feels like
I'm dragging a dead deer.
Mud and moss.
There's weight on its bones.
And I'm soaking wet.
…
I don't know how I got here.

ANDY
We can let this be a dream.

AL
I don't know what to say, Andy.

ANDY
We can say anything in a dream.
I want to burn down City Hall,
over and over,
with a skull for a face.
Haha.
See?

AL
No, I don't know what to say to Paula.

ANDY
…

AL
I can't…
I don't think I can…

ANDY
Can't what?

AL
…
I miss her so much, Andy.

ANDY
Hey. Hey–

AL
I miss her so much.

ANDY
I know you do.
I know.

AL
I can't just…fuck–

ANDY
Shh…

AL
Where'd she go? X'(
Where'd she go? D'X
She was just here.
She was just here and–
And now she's not…
And it's like, it's like a–
sinkhole just–
opened up under our home.
And everything kept falling in.
And now there's this bottomless pit
where she used to be.
Following me around.
And there's this deer in my fist.
But I can't let go–
I can't handle it–

ANDY
Why don't you tell her that?

AL
She's not there anymore.

ANDY
I meant, Paula.

AL
No.

ANDY
Why not?

AL
No. No no no.

ANDY
Al–

AL
You don't know what the fuck you're talking about.

ANDY
What don't I know?

AL
You've never had a fucking kid, Andy.

ANDY
She's not a kid anymore.

AL
Of course she is.

ANDY
She isn't.

AL
What're you– (?)
… (!) (?)
She just was.
Just a minute ago.
Just a second ago.
Just a moment ago.
Just now.
…
How did I get here?

ANDY
A moment leads into the next…

AL
It keeps happening.

ANDY
It keeps happening.

AL
I'm afraid.

ANDY
Don't be–

AL
Well, I am!
I am afraid!
I'm fucking scared, Andy!
I'm afraid–
I…I can't…
You don't cry in front of your kids.
I don't know shit, but I know that.

ANDY
Why not?

AL
Have you ever seen your parents cry?
It's horrible.
Nothing's ever the same…
The world collapses in on itself.
Keeps collapsing.

ANDY
Well…maybe…

ANDY takes off the cowboy hat and puts it on AL, adjusts it.

ANDY (cont'd)
Let it.

SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE TALKS TO THEIR TV (Variation #2)

CHARLIE is in the car with the TV buckled into the passenger seat. It is night. They drive around.

TV
Thank you for bringing me.
The house is very lonely with no one in it.
It gets so solemn.
It's just a building like any other.
With things in it.
A type of storage…
This truth is not lost on your house.

CHARLIE
Fuck.

TV
It is better these things be made known.

TV
Why are we turning?

CHARLIE
I forgot my phone.

TV
:/

CHARLIE
Please don't–

TV
I wasn't going to say anything.
I promise.

CHARLIE
Thank you.

TV
Have you thought about your house?
It thinks about you.
When you are home it thinks:
I want to say the perfect thing to them.

CHARLIE
What was that?

TV
I want so badly to say the perfect thing to you, Charlie,
thinks your house.

CHARLIE
…

TV
Your house thinks:
I should say something that is
everything all at once.
Funny and somber.
Expansive and inconsequential.
Something memorable and forgettable.
Profound and vague.
A hat that compliments your perfect smile perfectly…
Your house thinks these things.

CHARLIE
Shit…

TV
We've been talking, you see.

CHARLIE
Shit, fucking, goddammit.
I think this is the worst moment of my life.

TV
Oh… (?)

CHARLIE
This is it.
I think this is.
This is the worst one.

TV
…
Is there anything I can do?

CHARLIE
No.
No I don't think there is.
…
It's kind of magical, isn't it?

TV
What?

CHARLIE
Misery.

TV
(?)

CHARLIE
Total collapse.
Splintering wood.
Bottomless pit.
Pulling apart.
…
I am completely helpless in this moment.
I am completely helpless and in so much distress.
Haha.

CHARLIE puts their hand to their chest.

CHARLIE (cont'd)
How did that get there?

TV
What?

CHARLIE
… (!)
I need to find Paula.

TV
What about Andy?

CHARLIE
I need to find her, I need to talk to Paula.

TV
Charlie.

CHARLIE
I need to find her.

TV
Charlie, don't, you can't just–

CHARLIE
I need to find Paula!

They look to the sky. A shadow swallows the world.

COULD YOU GUESS WHICH ONE WAS YOU?

NO?

OH.

THAT'S ALRIGHT.

COULD YOU GIVE ME A COUPLE MINUTES?

IT'S ALRIGHT.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

THIS IS HOW THE PLAY BEGINS (Variation #2)

TV and HOUSE are alone in a room.

TV
You can tell me.
It's okay, whatever it is.

HOUSE
I can't believe myself.

TV
Sweetie. :(

HOUSE
I'm so stupid sometimes.

TV
I'm sure whatever you did–
it's okay.

HOUSE
You don't know that.

TV
Tell me.

HOUSE
Al slept outside last night.

TV
He did?
That's…curious.

HOUSE
Because of me.
Because I–
I tried to–
I didn't mean to.
I thought I would do a nice thing,
but it came out all wrong, all stupid
and, idiot, moron, fuck–

TV
Hey, hey.
Shhhh.

HOUSE
I feel so fucking
sick, fuck–

TV
Shh. Hey, hey–

HOUSE
I didn't know how–but I should have
if I would have thought, but–and then–
but it didn't, fucking…it came out all–
I didn't mean to make–
I don't know what to do!

TV
Breathe.

HOUSE
Trash brain fucking horrible–GOD.

TV
Let's breathe.

HOUSE
Fuck you, no. :'(

TV
Breathe with me.
// (Deep breath, exhale.)

HOUSE
No, it's stupid, I don't–
I'm sorry, I'm–

TV
Breathe.
(Inhale.)

HOUSE
(Inhale.)

TV
(Exhale.)

HOUSE
(Exhale.)

TV
Good. :)
Again.
(Inhale.)

HOUSE
(Inhale.)

TV
And out.

TV & HOUSE
(Exhale.)

HOUSE
I woke him up.
The door woke him up.
The wind blew the door and it–
It opened…
Slow and steady and careful…
Just like she used to open it.

TV
Oh.

HOUSE
It's–that was…
But she wasn't there.
She's not here.

TV
// …

HOUSE
She's not here anymore. :(

TV
// …

HOUSE
That was bad.
That was bad of me.

TV
You meant…you meant well.

HOUSE
I did, I–I thought I did, I–
I thought it would be nice.
But…

TV
It'll be okay.

HOUSE
Will it?
Will it be okay?

TV
Let's watch something.

HOUSE
TV. :(

TV
I don't know.
…
I don't know, House.

HOUSE
… :(

TV
We'll–
…let's watch something, okay?

HOUSE
Mhm. :'(

TV
Okay.

SOMEONE NAMED AL ALONE IN THE YARD

AL
Al is alone.
He stands in his yard.
It is night.
There is a breeze.
He stands in his yard alone at night.
He was awoken by the sound…
He was awoken by the sound of the bedroom door opening.
Careful, quiet, and slow as if not wanting to wake him up.
In the yard, alone at night, he thinks:
(Whose house is this?)
(This house isn't mine), he thinks.
It opened how she would open it.
She was always careful to never wake him up, inevitably waking him up.
He was awoken by this, inevitably, quietly, asleep, alone, he was awoken.
(She's here), he thought.
From work.
From downstairs.
From the rest of her day.
From the parts of her life he was not there for.
But the doorway was empty.
A window was left open.
The breeze blew the door ajar.
Staring at the doorway… :'(
Staring at the doorway he thinks–
He remembers:
(She isn't here.)
He remembers:
(She isn't here anymore.)
…
In the yard, alone at night, he thinks: (This house was ours.)
In the yard, standing, alone, he sees the moon, alone, he asks the moon:
"Whose house is this
if there is no our anymore?"
But the moon continues on without him…
He will sleep on the porch tonight
in a lawn chair taken from the garage.
In the garage, he hears:

HOUSE
I'm sorry.

AL
And pretends to have never known this house in his life.

SOMEONE NAMED PAULA WRITES ANOTHER LETTER TO SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE (Variation #1)

PAULA sits at a desk, paper, etc.

PAULA
Dear Charlie
I'm so glad you liked my joke.
From now on I will wave at the very very end of my letters.
I missed your wave.
Could you maybe include it in your next letter?
As per the moon, the whale…
They're still here…
As per my mom had
this idea about houses.
That they talk–
they talk to you all the time.
They tell you things.
They tell you when you're not alone.
And when you are…
Sometimes they bring you gifts
like the sound of the ocean…
…
Have you gotten the chance?
…
This house…
Not one peep.

AL enters, wearing the cowboy hat. He takes it off and fidgets with the brim.

AL
Hi.

PAULA
Hi.

AL
Sorry, was trying not to scare you…

PAULA
You didn't.

AL
I can come back.

PAULA
No.

AL
I think we should talk.

PAULA
Me too.
You start.

AL
I've been thinking of camping…

PAULA
What?

AL
I would like to go camping.

PAULA
Oh.

AL
I think we should go camping. I think it will be fun.

PAULA
What about unforeseen events?

AL
There's nothing I can do.

PAULA
What about the whale?

AL
There's nothing I can do.

PAULA
What about the moon?

AL
There's nothing…
There's nothing I can do.

PAULA
Dad?

AL
Yes?

PAULA
Do you miss mom?

AL
(?)
…
I do.

PAULA
Okay. Dad?

AL
Yes?

PAULA
Are you sad now that mom is gone?

AL
I've never been so sad.

PAULA
Me either.

AL
And there's nothing I can do.

PAULA
Me either.

AL
I've never felt so alone.

PAULA
Me either.
…
Camping sounds fun.

AL
Could be.

ANDY AND AL IN THE GARAGE FROM "THIS IS HOW THE PLAY BEGINS (Variation #1)"

AL leads ANDY into the garage. It is barren – maybe errant papers, paint cans, inoffensive debris.

AL
So it's uh…
Yeah, room for two cars.
…
Hope that'll be enough.

ANDY
We–uh…
There's only two of us.

AL
What?

ANDY
(?)
Yes.
This is plenty.

AL
Good. :)
That's good…

ANDY
Hey, Al?

AL
Yeah? :|

ANDY
Look, I…
If it's not a good time.

AL
You're here aren't you?
Yeah?

ANDY
Yeah.

AL
Then, well… >:|
Then it's a good time.
It's good enough.
Good enough time to–

ANDY
Yeah…but, we can always–
Maybe this just isn't the time.

AL
It'll never be the time! >X|
Shit. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry for yelling.

ANDY
You're right.
You are absoutely right.
I'm sorry for–
I don't know what it's like.
I couldn't imagine.
And–nothing I could say could–
approach being…at all…sufficient.
I know. Uhm…
But if, well, ya know…
Charlie and I don't know anybody
and–I think, it would be nice to.
Have dinner or something um, you and Paula?
And uh…or ya know, if you just need somebody
to talk to, I'm more than happy to–

AL
Can you accept my apology?

ANDY
(?)
Yes.
I accept.

AL
…
Okay.
…
I guess we lost Charlie, didn't we.

ANDY
Uh, yeah.
I guess we did.

AL
Shouldn't keep them waiting.

AL leaves, ANDY follows.

SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE TALKS TO THEIR TV (Variation #3)

CHARLIE unpacks things in their kitchen. In the kitchen in their house. The house they own with ANDY.

The TV turns on–

TV
I found some stuff on whales.

CHARLIE
Ah–

TV
It's not good, but it's not…bad…
necessarily…
…
Who are you?

CHARLIE
…me?

TV
…
Where's Paula?

CHARLIE
She moved.

TV
Moved?!

CHARLIE
Yes. I'm sorry, she came to get you and–
I've been meaning to take you–
Unpacking–
We just moved here.
Hi. I'm Charlie. Sorry.
Here let me–

CHARLIE begins to lift the TV.

TV
Wait wait wait wait–
Put me down, put me down!

CHARLIE
Okay!
Sorry!

They do so.

TV
Where did she move?

CHARLIE
Down the street.

TV
Which house?

CHARLIE
What?

TV
Which house?
Tell me! No!
Wait!
Don't tell me.
Don't tell me!

CHARLIE
The one with–

TV
No!

CHARLIE
With the–

TV
Never!

CHARLIE
The one with the–

TV
–electrical box.
Yeah. That's what I figured…
That's what I fucking figured…

CHARLIE
…
I can take you to her.

TV
Don't.
Even.
Think about it.
I don't want anywhere near
that piece of shit box fucker.

CHARLIE
Oh–

TV
Fucking shit eating fuck–
fuck–
Fucker, fuck!

CHARLIE
Okay.
I won't.

TV
You know what this means, Charlie?
Have you considered the reality we're in?!

CHARLIE
No.

TV
I'm your TV now…

CHARLIE
…
It's right down the street I–
I can take you to // her–

TV
I'm–
Look do you wanna watch something, or?

CHARLIE
I'm kind of busy.

TV
Great, bye.

The TV turns off. CHARLIE approaches… slowly…closer…closer…lightly…they tap, tap, taps on the screen. A bang at the door. CHARLIE jumps. ANDY enters.

ANDY
…
Key jammed.
Hi.

They kiss.

CHARLIE
Hi.
…
How was work?

ANDY
Fucking…
goblins.

CHARLIE
Oh c'mon.

ANDY
It's horrible.
Absolutely.
Just–
It's, it's horrible Charlie!

CHARLIE
What happened?

ANDY
People.

CHARLIE
What about them?

ANDY
There's so many.
And they're all upset.
At me, specifically, I guess.

CHARLIE
What could they have against you?

ANDY
I'm the one that answered the phone.
That's what they have against me.

CHARLIE
Any highlights?

ANDY
"The whale is obstructing my view of the sky,
can you get it to move?"
"I don't think so."
"Well why not?"
"I don't really know how I'd do that."
"Okay. Can you put someone on who does?"
"No."
"Well why not?!"
"I don't think anyone does."
And then yelling at me about tax dollars.
And then I had lunch. Paula was there.
We didn't talk.
I think she hates me.

CHARLIE
Why would she hate you?

ANDY
Seems like the whole town does.

CHARLIE
Paula doesn't.

ANDY
It's stupid. I–
I asked her to print something for me in the morning.
And I asked for it later.
This fucking thing–
It doesn't matter–
And she said she forgot.
And so she printed it.

CHARLIE
And?

ANDY
And then she gave it to me…

CHARLIE
…
So she hates you for–?

ANDY
I think she thought I was mad.

CHARLIE
That's all it takes?

ANDY
I don't know–
She looked upset…
Like…
Planning my demise.
And I wasn't even mad.

CHARLIE
She must be…under…stress.

ANDY
I know and–
I know.
And everyone's stressed
with this
fucking whale–
This Fucking Job.
8 hours.
8 hours of being
// the worst thing to ever happen…

CHARLIE
I don't know the big deal.

ANDY
What do you?

CHARLIE
I meant the whale.
// And you aren't the–

ANDY
Me either, but people will think the
things they were always going to think…
…
Sorry, you said something.

CHARLIE
You aren't the worst thing to ever happen.

ANDY
:) … :/
You've got a horse in that race.

CHARLIE
And what race is that?

ANDY
…
I don't know.
I thought that would make more sense than it did.

CHARLIE
…
If there's a horse I'm the jockey.

ANDY
And what does that make me?

CHARLIE
The trumpeter. :)

ANDY
Oh! :) Huh…
… :/
What are we talking about?

CHARLIE
I can't remember…

CHARLIE & ANDY
Sorry–
Why?–
Jinx–

CHARLIE
No, but–

ANDY
Double jinx, oh–
I'm glad I'm home.

CHARLIE
Me too.

ANDY
…
:)
How far have we gotten?

CHARLIE
I got a bathroom and most of the bedroom.
I think… (?)
We didn't do a good job labelling.

ANDY
Kind of rushed it at the end didn't we?

CHARLIE
Maybe a little–

ANDY
Well…
We're chipping away.

ANDY walks into another room.

CHARLIE
You could almost say
we've almost made a dent. :)
… :/

The TV turns back on–

TV
I think // we've gotten off on the wrong…foot.

CHARLIE
Ah!

TV
Let me try that again.

The TV turns off. ANDY returns–

ANDY
What was that?–

CHARLIE
I wanted to yell–

ANDY
Why?–

CHARLIE
Thought it'd feel good–

ANDY
Did it?–

CHARLIE
Sure–

ANDY
Okay…

ANDY begins to leave. Stops.

ANDY (cont'd)
AH!
…
Not bad.

ANDY leaves. The TV turns on.

TV
I think we've // gotten off on the wrong foot.

CHARLIE
(!) Shit–

TV
Goddammit–

TV turns off, turns back on.

TV (cont'd)
Wrong foot, etc.
Hello Charlie.
It is so great to meet you.

CHARLIE
Hi–

TV
I would like to apologize for my disposition earlier.
You may understand my understandable surprise
at the sudden change of my living situation
upon waking. Said surprise had clearly manifested
as a type of aggression, of which you are an
undeserving recipient.
For this I am sorry.

CHARLIE
That's okay…

TV
It isn't it isn't.
Very kind people do not deserve undeserved aggression.
And you, Charlie,
are a very kind person.

CHARLIE
I am?

TV
…from what I've been told.

CHARLIE
(?) And who told you that?

TV
(?) The house.

A piece of mail falls through the mail slot.

SOMEONE NAMED PAULA WRITES ANOTHER LETTER TO SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE
(Variation #2)

PAULA sits at a desk, paper, etc.

PAULA
Dear Charlie
I'm so glad you liked my joke.
I'm so glad you got to laugh and
I'm so sorry for the confusion.
From now on I will wave at the very very end of my letters.
I promise.
…
I missed your wave.
I may have been out when you sent it.
Could you maybe include it in your next letter?
…
As per the moon it is still there.
As per the whale it is still there.
As per my mom–

She scratches this out.

PAULA (cont'd)
As per my mom–

She scratches this out.

PAULA (cont'd)
As per my mom–

She scratches this out.

PAULA (cont'd)
My mom had this idea about houses.
That they can talk.
That they tell you things.
They tell you things all the time.
They tell you who is coming up the stairs
by creaking the boards in particular ways.
They tell you who's just getting home
with the pattern of clangs and locks.
They tell you when you're not alone.
And when you are…
Sometimes they bring you gifts
like the sound of the ocean
just outside the guest room window…
…

She scratches all of this out.

PAULA (cont'd)
How are you liking the house?

AL enters, wearing the cowboy hat. He sees his daughter, his daughter whom he loves very much. He takes off the cowboy hat and fidgets with the brim.

AL
What're you doing?

PAULA
(!)
I didn't see you there.

AL
I was trying not to scare you…

PAULA
That's okay.
Just…
Writing // a letter.

AL
Oh.
I didn't mean to interrupt.
I can come back.

PAULA
That's okay.
Did you need something?

AL
No. I–
Yes. :|

PAULA
Oh.
Um…
What do you need?

AL
Um…
Yeah I–
Uhh…

AL fidgets with his brim in front of his daughter,averting his eyes from his daughter, his daughter whom he loves, he loves her very much, he loves her, he loves her so very much, he averts his eyes, looking around the room, expecting the ceiling to cave in. Expecting a car to break through. Expects the walls to fold and give way.
…
Nothing happens.

AL (cont'd)
I'm sorry.
I…
Is it okay if…?

PAULA
What is it?

AL
I'm uh–
Paula?

PAULA
What is it?

AL
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry–

PAULA gets up.
And doesn't know what to do.

AL (cont'd)
I don't want to scare you.

PAULA slowly walks toward her father. Slowly, she embraces him. They hold each other.

SOMEONE NAMED CHARLIE TALKS TO THEIR TV (Variation #4)

The kitchen. CHARLIE is asleep on the counter, wearing their coat, boots, etc. There are less boxes. The TV talks to the HOUSE, careful not to wake them.

HOUSE
I'm so embarrassed.

TV
I think they deserve to know.

HOUSE
I told you that in confidence.

TV
I don't see how yr words could bring anything but joy.

HOUSE
What did they bring?

TV
…Nothing really.

HOUSE
(!) …
This is so embarrassing. X(

TV
They weren't listening.
There was traffic.

HOUSE
What a miserable time.

TV
I'm sorry.

HOUSE
"Expansive and inconsequential?'

TV
Yes…

HOUSE
Fuck–
… :/
Slept like shit.
Keep sleeping like shit.

TV
It's all I've been doing…

HOUSE
Had a dream a car fell on me.
It was horrible…
Right on the bedroom.
Screaming. Andy:
"Charlie oh my god Charlie."
And I thought, oh my god, Charlie, oh my god.
Andy: "Oh my god Charlie, please, don't go. Please!"
Me: I never got to say the perfect thing. :'(

TV
That was just a dream.

HOUSE
But in some important ways,
it wasn't.

TV
Sweetie–

HOUSE
Sh!

CHARLIE
Hello?

ANDY
…

CHARLIE
Is there somebody there?

ANDY
Hi, Charlie. :)

CHARLIE
Hi, Andy. :)
Andy!

ANDY
Charlie. :)
How are you?

CHARLIE
Worried, where are you?

ANDY
Why are you worried?

CHARLIE
(?) (!)
Do you know what time it is?

ANDY
No, I don't.

CHARLIE
When are you coming home?

ANDY
…
Charlie?

CHARLIE
Where are you?

ANDY
I went for a walk. :|

CHARLIE
To where?

ANDY
The woods. :|

CHARLIE
You're in the woods?

ANDY
Uh-huh. :(

CHARLIE
Okay…
Are you in trouble?

ANDY
I think so. :(
I think I'm in trouble. :(
…
I'm so sorry. X(

CHARLIE
Where are you?

ANDY
I don't know. X(

CHARLIE
I'll come find you.

ANDY
I'm so scared. :'(

CHARLIE gets up.

CHARLIE
I'll come find you.

ANDY
Oh my god. :'(
I'm so scared.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, Charlie. X'(

CHARLIE
It's okay, I'll come get you.

ANDY
I'm so scared.
Oh my god. X'(
Walks out of the kitchen, out of the house…

CHARLIE
It's okay.
Andy.

ANDY
I'm so scared. X'(

CHARLIE
I'll be right there.
Out of the house…

ANDY
Oh my god, Charlie.
Oh my god.
I don't know where I am.
I'm so scared.
Fuck. Fuck–
Charlie? Oh my fucking god–

CHARLIE takes ANDY by the hand.

ANDY (cont'd)
How did you find me?
:| … X(

CHARLIE
You're soaked.

ANDY
I am.

CHARLIE
How did you get so wet?

ANDY
I saw a pond.

CHARLIE
A pond?

ANDY
I went into the pond.

CHARLIE
(?) Come on, let's go home. They walk back to their house.

SOMEONE NAMED PAULA & HER FATHER, AL, CONSIDER THEIR OPTIONS
(Variation #2)

PAULA and AL are in a car at night, stuck in traffic.

PAULA
You aren't allowed to read my mind anymore.

AL
I–

PAULA
You aren't–
It isn't fair–
Please stop.

AL
…

PAULA
Okay?

AL
…
I didn't think you knew.

PAULA
…

AL
…
Alright.
I guess I did.

PAULA
:/
Okay?
You can't anymore. Dad.

AL
I heard you.
Would you like to listen to some music?

PAULA
No.
Do you promise?

AL
Okay.
I promise.

PAULA
Thank you.

AL
Can you promise me something?

PAULA
…
What?

AL
Please never lie to me.

PAULA
–I haven't.
Why?

AL
Everybody lies, Paula.

PAULA
They do…

AL
Just…
I need to hear you say it.

PAULA
I can't.

AL
Oh…

PAULA
I can't promise that. I could. But–

AL
I don't like being lied to.

PAULA
I know.

AL
And yet everybody does it.

PAULA
I know.

AL
You'd be surprised how often...

PAULA
…
It must be hard knowing that.

AL
Depends on the lie.
…
Sometimes.
Sometimes it depends on the lie.
Most times, its just the lying; the
looking-me-straight-in-my-face…
"I didn't see you waiting for the spot."
"Well I was and yes you did."
"I didn't, I'm sorry."
"Yes you did don't apologize, move yr car."
Then they rummage around in
their brain for the perfect mean thing…
Stuff like that…

PAULA
Did mom know?

AL
I don't think so…

PAULA
Did she lie a lot?

AL
No more than anyone else.

PAULA
What about?
That's not helping.
That won't do anything.

AL
I know. I know…
But it's nice thinking it does.
Wanna give it a try?

PAULA
No. It's obnoxious.

AL
It's kind of fun.

PAULA
No.
Thank you.
:/

AL
Suit yourself.

PAULA
// Dad I–

AL
You sure you don't–?
What was that?

PAULA
… :(

AL
Paula?

PAULA
:'(

AL
Hey.
What's going on?

PAULA
The moon…

AL
Oh…

PAULA
What am I supposed to do with it?

AL
About it?

PAULA
To it.

AL
We can, um…

PAULA
It won't go away.

AL
What does it feel like?

PAULA
Um…
I–
I don't–

AL
Does it hurt?

PAULA
No. No. It–

AL
What does it feel like?

PAULA
Full.
I mean…
It feels full, my chest.
And it's–
Chilly. And…
Like, I'm pulling everything around me.
Like, I keep bumping into things…
Things keep bumping into me.
I feel clumsy, stupid.
And cold. And full.
And sad.
And–

AL
You aren't stupid.

PAULA
I know.

AL
You're very smart.

PAULA
I know I am.

AL
Kids don't just get // an intern–

PAULA
I'm not a kid dad.

AL
Of course you are.

PAULA I'm not.
Dad.
I'm not.

AL
Alright–

PAULA
I'm not.

AL
…
You just were.
I could've sworn.
Just now…

PAULA
I don't want it anymore.

AL
It has the most beautiful view.
Just so you know.
You could see everything from it.

PAULA
Dad–

AL
And I mean everything.

PAULA
Please–

AL
The view is so clear.
You can see our house from there.

PAULA
No, you couldn't–

AL
I swear.
I swear you could.
It was right there.
I could see it and…
I could see me.
And I could see you.
And, mom was there too.

PAULA
What were we doing?

AL
We were having dinner.
Or… you were in the yard.
Mom was showing you the garden.
You were tiny then.

PAULA
Where were you?

AL
Upstairs I guess or…
No then we were putting up decorations.
For Halloween.
And you were a pumpkin, no,
you were an M&M, sorry, no
you were a genie, and
you were a ninja, and
you were a vampire, and
you were a vampire again, and
you were a box of cereal, and
you were a vampire again, and
then a mummy, and
then we had dinner and then
you got stuck in a tree and then
mom showed you the garden and
you were so small and then we lit off
fireworks and then we watched TV and
there were decorations, and we
sat on the porch
and passed out candy…and…

PAULA
What?

AL
Nothing.

PAULA
Dad.

AL
…

PAULA
I need you to tell me.

AL
Then.
…
The three of us got in a car.
…
And the two of us came home.

PAULA
What else did you see?

AL
Didn't look at anything else.
…
(!) :(

PAULA
This sucks.

AL
Yup.

PAULA leans over and lays on the horn…

PAULA
…
You were right. >:)

AL
…
Would you like to–

PAULA
Yes.

PAULA honks the horn more. AL joins. PAULA opens her window, leans out–

PAULA (cont'd)
Move!
C'mon already!
Chop chop!
Let's get this show on the road.
Move!

PAULA sits back down, proud, amused. AL is gone, the cowboy hat in his seat. PAULA picks it up.

PAULA (cont'd)
Dad?
…
DAD!
…

AL appears somewhere else.

AL
Pssst. :)

PAULA
You scared the shit out of me.
What're you doing?

AL
C'mere.

PAULA
What?

AL
I found something.

PAULA
What?

AL
I found it.
We gotta hurry.
It's right over here.

PAULA
What is it?

AL
We gotta go…
C'mon.

PAULA gets up. Follows her dad off…

A LVOE STROY (Variation #1)
YOU ARE A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON

PERSON #1 and PERSON #2 are in the kitchen. A pile of dirty dishes.

PERSON #1
Do you think you could help me?

PERSON #2
What do you need?

PERSON #1
Oh uh–nnn…
…
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to umm…

PERSON #2
Did I sound a certain–?
I didn't mean to sound like that.

PERSON #1
You didn't.
It's just me.
I just forgot…
You are a very important person.

PERSON #2
I am?

PERSON #1
I think you are.

PERSON #2
:)
I can help.

PERSON #1
It's okay.
I can do it.

PERSON #2
It's no trouble–

PERSON #1
It's fine.

PERSON #2
Are you sure?
I don't mind.

PERSON #1
No. Um…
Or…
No. :|
It's okay. :/

PERSON #2
Okay.

PERSON #2 looks around the room…

PERSON #1
Would you mind–?
You wouldn't mind it if–

PERSON #2
What is it?

PERSON #1
Would it be alright if you
maybe stayed while I do a few things?
Just while I do the things
and then. And then it will be alright.
Then um…
I sound silly.

PERSON #2
I can stay.

PERSON #1
Really?

PERSON #2
Of course.

PERSON #1
…
:)

PERSON #1 fills the sink. A LVOE STTRYO (Variation #2)
YOU ARE A VERY IMPORTANT PERSON TO ME

PERSON #1
Do you think you could help me?

PERSON #2
What is it?

PERSON #1
It's just the dishes.
Or not just the dishes…
I mean yes only the dishes but…
If it sounds like too much that's okay.

PERSON #2
I have time.

PERSON #1
No, no, no–
You must have somewhere you need to be.

PERSON #2
Do I?

PERSON #1
And I don't want to keep people waiting.

PERSON #2
(?)
There's nobody waiting.

PERSON #1
That can't be true.

PERSON #2
Why not?

PERSON #1
Somebody is always waiting for
a very important person.

PERSON #2
Who says I'm an important person?

PERSON #1
Me. … I think you are very important.

PERSON #2
:) Let me help.

PERSON #1
(!) (?)

PERSON #2
May I?

PERSON #1
:) (!) Yeah! Um… I can wash and you can dry. Or you can wash. (?) I'm not picky. :P

PERSON #2
Either is fine. Whichever you'd prefer.

PERSON #1
Whichever I prefer… Okay umm… (Thinking really hard.) Uhhh… Okay yeah, I'll wash. I don't want your hands to get pruny.

PERSON #2
Then I'll dry. :)

They wash dishes. Like this: PERSON #1 takes the dishes and scrubs 'em in the sink. PERSON #2 waits calmly and attentively with a dish towel. PERSON #1 hands a dish to PERSON #2 who dries it thoroughly, and begins to stack them on the counter. They continue this. Sometimes they catch eyes and PERSON #1 smiles. PERSON #2 smiles, but smaller than PERSON #1 (who has a very good smile). AL VAOE SROSTY (Variation #3)
DO YOU KNOW THAT?
(the one with a very funny joke)

PERSON #1
Do you think you could help me?

PERSON #2
With the dishes?

PERSON #1
How did you know? :o

PERSON #2
Lucky guess. :)

PERSON #1
:)
(?) …
I just had deja vu.
And you were in it.

PERSON #2
I was?

PERSON #1
Yes…I'm still–
There it goes.

PERSON #2
Wait–

PERSON #1
:o
Did you get deja vu too?

PERSON #2
Maybe a little. :P
Hey! This is the one w/ the joke!
My favorite one! ;)

PERSON #1
It is? (!) :D
I like it too.
It's one of my favorites. :P
I promise not to spoil it.

PERSON #2
Which one's yours?

PERSON #1
Hm…
I umm…
(!)
…
I don't wanna say.
I like them all for their own little reasons.
…
I'm sorry. :(

PERSON #2
It's okay. :)

PERSON #1
I wish I could say–
I'm sorry.

PERSON #2
Hey… :(

PERSON #1
I feel like I spoiled it.

PERSON #2
You didn't spoil–

PERSON #1
You asked a question and I couldn't give you an answer…
That feels bad of me. :(
I didn't mean to spoil it, I swear. :'(

PERSON #2
You didn't spoil anything.
I promise.

PERSON #1
:) … :/

PERSON #2
Can I dry?

PERSON #1
Yes. Please do. :)

They do more dishes. It is very nice.

PERSON #1 (cont'd) I like the one with the cellos.
I think that one is my favorite.

PERSON #2
Yeah?

PERSON #1
I think. (?)

PERSON #2
I like that one too.
Good pick. ;)

PERSON #1
:)

PERSON #2
Where should I put them?

PERSON #1
(Here comes the joke!)
X)
…
Anywhere. X)

PERSON #2
Anywhere?

PERSON #1
Mhmmm… X)

PERSON #2
Like…

PERSON #2 puts the plate on their head.

PERSON #2 (cont'd) …here?

PERSON #1
Hahahaha
:D No! Not there!

PERSON #2 opens the fridge.

PERSON #2
What about…here?

PERSON #1
No! X)
That's not where they go!

PERSON #2
What about…

They put a plate on PERSON #1's head.

PERSON #2 (cont'd) …here?

PERSON #1
Stop it! XD
Hahahaha

PERSON #2
Hahaha :)

LSA OVESO TSAY R (Variation #4)
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN IMPORTANT

PERSON #1
Do you think you could help me with the dishes?

PERSON #2
I'd love to. :)

PERSON #1
Would you like to wash or dry?

PERSON #2
I think…can I wash?

PERSON #1
Okay.

PERSON #2
Oh. They're already done.

PERSON #1
They are… :/
They stand in silence. It feels bad.

PERSON #2
…I should probably get going. AOLV EASOTO ARY AL (Variation #5)
I SHOULD TELL YOU MORE

PERSON #1
Do you think you could help me with the dishes?

PERSON #2
What dishes?

PERSON #1
Oh. They're still done…

PERSON #2
What time is it?

PERSON #1
Nothing–
Would you–
Would you mind it if–
No…
…
That's silly.

PERSON #2
What is it?

PERSON #1
I…
Maybe we could clean the rug.

PERSON #2
I'm sorry. :(
I just don't know where the time went. ALOTVS LOSLOTRY ALO (Variation #6)
I AM TELLING YOU NOW

PERSON #1
Please don't go.

PERSON #2
I'm sorry. It's time.

PERSON #1
Please? :(

PERSON #2
I-I can't. It's time for me to go.

PERSON #1
Just a little longer?

PERSON #2
I've…we…we already did the dishes.

PERSON #1
But–
Uhm…the rug–?
No. Wait.
Let me cook you something.

PERSON #2
No, that's–
That's alright.

PERSON #1
Please? Just something before you go.
Just–
Here, I umm–

PERSON #2
I don't have time.

PERSON #1
I'll be quick.
I'll cook you something and then we can–

PERSON #2
I have to go.

PERSON #1
I'll cook you anything.
And then, there will be dishes.

PERSON #2
I'm sorry.

PERSON #1
And then we can do…
the dishes.
Let me cook you something.

PERSON #2
…
No. :(

PERSON #1
Please?

PERSON #2 waves. PERSON #1 waves.

PERSON #2 disappears. VASOL LAOV ALOTVOE STOA (Variation #7)
YOU ARE SO IMPORTANT TO ME

PERSON #1 goes to the dishes and carefully puts them back in the sink one by one. They hold the final plate. They put it on their head.

ALVSOOTYAAVO VELSSTORL SVYYA (Variation #8)
I AM SO SO LUCKY
(the one with the cellos)

PERSON #2 appears.

PERSON #2
Would you like some help w/ that?

PERSON #1
Could you?

PERSON #2
May I?

PERSON #1
Of course. :)
It won't take long.
I just need help with the dishes.

PERSON #2
I'm not in a hurry.
I can stay here as long I can.

PERSON #1
How long is that?

PERSON #2
Well…as long as you'd like me to.

PERSON #1
:)
Would you like to wash or dry?

PERSON #2
You pick.

PERSON #1
Would you mind drying?

PERSON #2
Not at all. :)

PERSON #1
Thank you.

They do the dishes. PERSON #1 smiles real big. It is a perfect smile.

PERSON #2
Why are you smiling?

PERSON #1
Because… :)

PERSON #2
Hm?

PERSON #1
Wait for it.

PERSON #2
For what?

PERSON #1
Shh…

The sound of cellos. It becomes music. It rolls through the kitchen. It rolls through the kitchen like waves on a pond. It rolls through the kitchen like waves on a pond made just for you. They do the dishes.

PERSON #1 (cont'd)
I love music.
It makes the stupidest
things seem so brave.

PERSON #2
Where should I put these–?

The plate lifts out of PERSON #2's hand and drifts above their heads. PERSON #2 watches.

PERSON #1 smiles perfectly. The cellos are like waves on a pond. PERSON #2 reaches for the plate.

PERSON #2 (cont'd)
I can't reach it. :(

PERSON #1
It's okay. :)

PERSON #2
I didn't mean for that to– :(

PERSON #1
It's okay. :)
That's what's supposed to happen!
Grab another. X)

PERSON #2 touches a plate, it drifts into the air. The cellos are like waves and their smile is perfect and there's all the time in the world and the plates, the rest of them, drift into the air and fly around the room and PERSON #2 can't reach them, but we have all the time in the world.

PERSON #2
I'm not tall enough. :(

PERSON #1
It's okay.

PERSON #2
I really didn't–

PERSON #1
Shh…
This is my favorite part.

They watch the dishes fly around the room. Cellos appear, flying around the room.

PERSON #2
:o

PERSON #1
:)

PERSON #2
:)

The kitchen becomes a field. The plates become stars. The cellos become clouds. A breeze blows through the field. The music becomes sleeping bags. The moon appears. A meteor shower. And we are together… We are together again… And have all of the time in the world.

PERSON #1
:)

PERSON #2
:)

THIS IS HOW THE PLAY ENDS

A campsite. CHARLIE and ANDY watch the sky.
AL enters, followed by PAULA. They carry camping supplies.

AL
Hello over there!

ANDY
Hello!

CHARLIE
Hey, you made it!

AL
Of course we did.

ANDY
Took ya long enough. :P.

AL
Alright, wise-guy.

CHARLIE
Is that Paula?!

PAULA
Hello! X|

CHARLIE
Paula! Darling!
Andy, Paula's here too!

PAULA
We made it. X|

ANDY
Paula!
Let me help you with that.

PAULA
I got it. I got it.

CHARLIE
What took you so long?! :D

PAULA
Oh my god!

PAULA stretches wide, CHARLIE swoops in for a hug.

PAULA (cont'd)
Hi, hello!

CHARLIE
Hello. :)

AL
I guess we got a little–
turned around–
A little help over here?

ANDY
I'm comin', I'm comin'.

AL
There we go. … Well don't just stand there!

They hug.

ANDY
It's so good to see you.

AL
You too. :)
You too. :')

CHARLIE
Okay my turn!

CHARLIE releases PAULA and runs to AL.

ANDY
Alright, alright. :)

CHARLIE and AL hug.

AL
Charlie. :')

PAULA
Andy!

PAULA grabs ANDY's hand. Twirls him a little. Takes the other hand in hers. They hold each others hands. They hold hands while looking at each other. They hold hands and look at each other and it feels so good to be here, together. Doesn't it? It feels so good to be here, together.

PAULA (cont'd)
I've got so much to tell you! I don't know where to start.

ANDY
Start from your favorite part!

The WHALE floats through the sky, blocking the moon and the stars. In darkness, the WHALE sings…

THE TV READS A POEM TO THE HOUSE

TV and HOUSE are alone in a room. The HOUSE sleeps restlessly, restlessly she sleeps.

TV
Yo pronuncio tu nombre
En las noches oscuras
Cuando vienen los astros
A beber en la luna
Y duermen los ramajes
De las frondas ocultas.
Y yo me siento hueco
De pasión y de música.
Loco reloj que canta
Muertas horas antiguas.
Yo pronuncio tu nombre,
En esta noche oscura,
Y tu nombre me suena
Más lejano que nunca.
Más lejano que todas las estrellas
Y más doliente que la mansa lluvia.
¿Te querré como entonces
Alguna vez? ¿Qué culpa
Tiene mi corazón?
Si la niebla se esfuma
¿Qué otra pasión me espera?
¿Será tranquilla y pura?
¡¡Si mis dedos pudieron
Deshojar a la luna!!

Si Mis Manos Pudieran Deshojar
por Federico García Lorca