One Direction Walking Tour

Transcript -

AUTOMATED CALL Welcome to your historical One Direction walking tour. This tour will guide you around significant spots, showing you all of Harry, Niall, Louis, Liam, and Zayn’s favorite locations in a city close to their hearts, Lincoln, Nebraska. If you are currently seated on the benches outside Southeast Community College, please continue with this call.

OSCAR Ah, sorry, old boy! I can’t keep this going any longer. It’s quite ridiculous! It’s your old chap from Uni, Oscar! You remember me, right? From your foreign exchange trip? I have to admit, I thought the tour was a preposterous idea! I don’t believe Harry Styles could even point out Lincoln on a map! But I know SOMEONE has a One Direction shrine in their closet, and I knew you just couldn’t resist! One of the most brilliant schemes, I should say! You are probably rather disappointed that your afternoon has been ruined, but I had to bring you out to this location, and I couldn’t risk you getting suspicious of my motives and not showing up. Not that my motives are at all suspicious!

MALE VOICE You have now discovered that your long-awaited, exciting afternoon has all been a hoax, planned by this person you met once at a party in Oxford three years ago! Do you let them speak?

Option One: No! You are weirded-out that they remember you have a One Direction shrine in your closet, but mostly, you are super upset that they tricked you! You hang up the phone.

Or

Option Two: You are weirded-out, but they have piqued your interest. Maybe this will be more exciting than a One Direction tour of Lincoln! You keep listening.

If you picked Option One, please stand up and walk about twenty paces around the corner to your left. If you picked Option Two, please stand up and walk about twenty paces to your right.

OPTION ONE

OSCAR Don’t hang up don’t hang up DON’T HANG-

MALE VOICE If you picked Option One, your story has ended. You survived, but in the least-interesting way possible. You go home and watch old Harry Styles interviews. Thank you for playing!

OPTION TWO

MALE VOICE If you picked Option Two, you listen silently, and your story continues.

OSCAR I had to speak with you, and when I say WITH you, I mean AT you. Please do not attempt to speak to me. Efficiency is of the utmost importance, and I do not need your questions. If you talk, I shall simply choose not to hear you. NOW. Please turn away from the Community entrance. Start walking to your right, towards 12th Street. When you reach 12th, cross over it, and come to a stop outside of the Pearle Vision.

A beat of silence

At a lively pace, now, step to it! This isn’t a stroll through the gardens!

OSCAR While you walk, I will explain myself. Don’t flatter yourself, I’m not here to see you. Believe it or not, old chap, Lincoln has been my abode for a year now. I own the art gallery across the street, which you should see coming up. It’s called Kiechel Fine Art, and I am very proud of the business I run in it. I make killer sales. However, I am not there now. In fact, no one is, or has been, for a week! Let me know if you’re in search of a job, because there’s just been a sudden and unfortunate vacancy. A murder, my friend, has taken place.

Once you are in front of Pearle Vision, please approach the nearest sidewalk, and cross the street. Come to a stop in front of my store. My lovely little store. It’s not much, but I consider it a pillar of the city. We do important work in our own, special, little way, and that’s what I like to remember before I close my eyes each night.

OSCAR Now that you’re here, look at yourself in one of the store windows! Old chap, do you remember how funny we found it that you look almost exactly like me? And now with our masks, it’s impossible to tell us apart at all! Ha!

Phone Crackle A moment of silence

OSCAR Wait! Look around you! Did you see that?! Did you see movement in any of those windows? No? Oh... No need to be concerned. If you are curious, I can see you from where I am calling you. Need proof? Lift your hand in the air and do a peace sign. I’ll tell you how many fingers you’re holding up. Two! See? It is simply to protect you. Anyways, two days ago, one of my employees was closing up shop when there was some sort of disturbance. Try to imagine the situation as I speak. No one knows what happened, but witnesses say they heard a scream from the store and she sprinted out, bleeding from a stab wound, racing straight across the street and onto the sidewalk. Suddenly, a man jumped out of my store and shot at her. She was hit, and she stumbled into that under-construction storefront. Do you see it? The one with the light? Funny, that light wasn’t there until the night of her death.

Well, even though the onlookers clearly saw most of the man, except what was covered by his mask, the man dashed around the corner and disappeared into the night. He left no trace, and he is still on the loose. I have reason to believe this man has deadly intentions for me next. Fortunately, my task for you is short and sweet. I just need you to find a valuable possession of mine. I would go myself, but I am immensely busy trying to keep my business afloat after the murder, and I have been avoiding the police because I simply have no time to talk to them about a situation I know nothing about. I’m quite sure you understand. You are the only friend I trust to deliver the item to me! Please begin walking in the direction of the bridge. We must approach this matter as nonchalantly as possible. Whistle a little. Wave to any pedestrians you see. I will tell you when you are where you need to be.

OSCAR Ok. Don’t panic. Don’t look around you. Continue at the same pace you’re walking. DO NOT look up. I think you’re being watched. Just keep walking.

Silence

OSCAR Alright, plans have to change. The suspicious figure standing at the window has just disappeared, and I do not believe that’s a good thing. Turn back and start walking where you came from. You can still make it! Walk a little faster, not too fast, just with purpose. When you get to the corner, cross back to Pearle Vision.

OSCAR Ok. I don’t want you to panic. The man has exited the building at the other end of the street, and he matches the description of the murderer. I think he may have mistaken you for me. Keep your head to the ground. DO NOT make eye contact with him. Just keep walking. Walk past the Pearle Vision, straight ahead. You should see an alley off to your left at some point.

Silence

OSCAR He’s gaining on you. Walk a little faster. He won’t be able to see where you go from around the corner. When you see the alley, turn into it.

OSCAR Ok! Move past the first dumpster. Make a note of the number on the left wall! Got it? Ok! Get past the second dumpster, get into the doorway, and stay totally still. Don’t let him see you! Close your eyes, now!

Silence

Whispered Don’t move. He’s standing right there.

Silence for a few beats

You are silently awaiting your fate in the darkness of the alley. Your attacker is only a few feet away from you, trying to work out if it’s you he faintly sees. Oscar has given you instructions, do you follow them?

Option One: You are shaking with fear and anger. This man is the reason you’re in mortal danger in an alley, and he’s trying to tell you what to do?! You’re not going to just cower here and make it easy for him to kill you! You decide to ignore Oscar and make a run for it.

Or

Option Two: You are only shaking with fear. Sure, Oscar got you into this mess, but you feel more important than you have in ages. You seem like the main character in a movie, and it’s singlehandedly destroying your mid-twenties crisis. You don’t hate Oscar, and you’re pretty sure he knows better than you. You obey Oscar and stay put.

If you picked Option One, please walk in a diagonal line to the opposite wall. If you chose Option Two, walk straight ahead.

OSCAR What are you doing?! Run! Don’t look behind you!

Loud, pounding, echoing footsteps approach

MALE VOICE If you picked Option One, your story has ended. You ran just as the murderer was getting ready to leave, and he chases you down the alley. Oscar loses touch with you, and you are a missing persons case for the first two years of your afterlife.

Thanks for playing!

MALE VOICE If you picked Option Two, your story continues.

OSCAR Ok, he just left. Stay put for a moment, just to make sure.

Silence

Alright, I think we lost him. Best not to go back that way, though. Do you remember the number? Good. Walk to the other end of the alley. Start that now. You’ll have to duck under a red rope, and be careful not to step on any uneven ground. Now, PLEASE, walk quietly! I don’t know what to expect after that. He could still be nearby. Listen to the sounds around you, and use your best judgement. I will be quiet until you get out of the alley.

OSCAR Ok. Are you sure you know which plant? It has orange and yellow flowers. That one. Now, once you reach the plant, carefully grab the item from inside.

Have you got it? Good show, old chap! Jolly good news! Now please, if you will, our rendezvous point will be at the movie theater a little ways from here. Walk down the street towards 12th, cross the crosswalk, then turn right. Walk down to the corner, then turn left. You should see it. I must hang up now, and I will finally meet you in person, face-to-face, and shake your hand. Good-bye!

The phone crackles, but the call does not stop. Oscar can be heard in the distance making another call.

OSCAR Hello, hello? I have just seen someone who fits your exact description of the Kiechel Fine Arts killer! I believe they returned to the scene of the crime to pick up their murder weapon, which they are now walking around with! They’re loitering around the movie theater! Please hurry, I’m scared for my life!

MALE VOICE You have just overheard a rather suspicious and alarming call to the police! This is odd considering that Oscar hadn’t wanted to speak with them before. Do you attempt to rendezvous at the theater with Oscar?

Option One: You are wiping away tears of pride. Oscar, the man who had been so against speaking to the police before, was now putting all of his worries aside because you were almost hurt! Sure, he said movie theater, but maybe he saw the man run that way. You have never felt a stronger connection to your doppelgänger, and you may just have to ask him out to coffee afterwards, you know, as a thank you for saving your life. Nothing else, of course.

Or

Option Two: You are experiencing the strong emotions of betrayal. Has your friend and savior really been planning on turning you in as the killer this whole time? Is the man you put your trust in to save your life really about to ruin it? And after you almost killed yourself trying to get his stupid knife? You can’t know for sure, but you are not walking with a weapon to the theater now!

If you picked Option One, continue moving towards the theater. If you picked Option Two, please walk across the street.

OPTION ONE

OSCAR Ah, are you still on the phone?! It’s rude to listen to other people’s conversations! Wait, are you still on your way? Oh. Oh, you poor, stupid sucker.

Cop cars approach in the distance

MALE VOICE If you picked Option One, your story has ended. Instead of an emotional reunion out of a rom-com, you get handcuffs slapped on your wrists, twenty-five years for something you didn’t do, and emotional scarring. If only you’d invested in some better legal services! Thanks for playing! Please return your knife to the plant you found it in for the next player's convenience.

OPTION TWO Oscar Ah, are you still on the phone?! Don’t you know it’s rude- Phone dial tone

MALE VOICE If you picked Option Two, your story has ended. You hang up the phone, cutting ties with Oscar forever. You watch as the cops arrive at the theater, and your guide doesn’t show. Just as you suspected. Later, you report your story to the police station. A few years go by, and your story has helped unravel an entire mafia operation! Turns out it had been operating out of the Fine Arts store for years, until a new employee found out something she shouldn’t have. Oscar killed her, and her brother witnessed the crime, recognizing her boss as the murderer. He swore to kill him if he ever saw him. Oscar tried to have you, his doppelgänger, arrested while he escaped to Europe. Fortunately, he was caught on a flight to Italy, and is now serving out his days in prison.

The Lincoln Police Department has a party to celebrate you when the case finally closes, and while eating cake, you find your soulmate. You triumph as the unexpected hero of the story.

THE END

Please return your knife to the plant you found it in for the next player's convenience.